Sanity After Insanity
by PiperSpoon13
Summary: After leving the Mental hospital Brittany and Santana both struggle to live with their scars and crazy. Life and family can be difficult if you're barely sane. This is part of the LIMH universe, The Lima Institution of Mental Health, but is going to be a series of drabbles and one-shots.
1. Grown Ups have Them Too

_AN: This is part of the LIMH universe(I highly recommend you read that first however I'm going to try to make it so you can follow with the help of one authors note,__** The Lima Institution of Mental Health**__, but is going to be a series of drabbles and one-shots. Mostly Brittana but might include Faberry/Wemma/Tike. As of right now it's going to be drastically lighter than it's predecessor but still might have some heavy chapters.. _

_This one all you have to know is Lucas was born early but health and Santana has night terrors. _

I knew the day would come. I just wished it didn't have to happen so soon. Lucas had caught up to his age before for his first birthday and just had his third birthday. It started like all her nightmares start with a whimpering whine. I lightly shake her planting kisses on the back of her neck. "San come on baby wake up, your having a bad dream." It wasn't working so I shook her harder. By now she was sobbing loudly. I knew she was due for a bad on as she hasn't had one since we met Rachel and Quinn back home in Lima, and that was three months ago. "Honey you have to wake up, you're going to wake Lucas."

"Stop it! Nononono ahhh!" She thrashed about knocking over the bedside lamp.

"Mama! Mami!" he yells clumsily running toward our bedroom. I quickly dump the remains of my water on her. She wraps around me crying into my shirt. "Mama Mami." Lucas runs in looking scared. I pat my side of the bed for him to crawl in with us. "Mama why is Mami crying" he asks. I looking in to those chocolate marbles searching for a way to tell him the truth with out telling him why she has such bad nightmares.

"She had a bad dream pumpkin."

"But she's a grown up."

"Grown ups have bad dreams too."

He frowned giving one of my famous pouts, before running out of the room. He returns with his foam baseball bat. "Where's the monster hiding, let me at him!" He scans the room with a brave stance.

Santana chuckes into my chest before siting up, "You scared him my big brave boy." she pats a space between us. He puts his bat down before snuggling in, falling asleep almost the moment he gets under the covers. "You handled that well." she says kissing me over his head.

"Try to get back to sleep if your still shaken tomorrow you can talk about it, if you want."

"Nah, not much different than the others. Goodnight Britt..." she yawned and with in another minute she was out too. I sighed thankful that I am able to postpone explaining why she had nightmares. We'll have to tell him eventually just like we would have to tell him why I talk to myself or even why he doesn't have your tv dad. He was going to find out eventually as San and I have both plateaued and could only maintain this level of sanity but that was a battle we could fight another day hopfully when he was much older. But for tonight I am happy to be kicked in the ribs by our three year old, because it wouldn't be too long before he was 'too cool' to sleep in his parents bed or 'too cool' to kiss us goodnight. Because just yesterday it seems I was breastfeeding him. He was already growing too fast.


	2. Babysiting Woes

_AN: This one takes place when Lucas is about two. Santana has trust issues do to her uncle sexually abusing her when she was really little and Lord Tubbington is just a figment of Brittany's imagination. _

=Santana=

"Well I can't take him to work with me, Sean has a no kids policy and if I wanted to get out of this meeting I'd would have to have called in last month. Are you sure you can't take him with you?"

"I have tried but I can't get out of the class and I can't and I can't really take a sick toddler to a class full of preschoolers. I don't want to get any of them sick too."

"Gosh your parents picked a sorry week to go to Germany." I groan trying not to rasie my voice because he was currently sleeping.

"Well yours are on a freaking cruise. It's not their fault my Great Aunt Olga took a turn for the worst. I didn't know her very well but she is my dad's favorite aunt."

"I'm sorry..." I say calming down both of us were 'functioning' on about 2 hours of broken sleep. Lucas have been keeping us up throwing up and screaming, Brittany was trying to get his fever down and keep him hydrated and I was on the phone with the doctor. We were both exhausted and worried. This was the first time he's been this sick since he was 4 months old. We were more prepared now but just as worried. "We can't ask Tina not with Addie." Addison was her newborn, second child but still only 5 weeks old. "Sebina is in Arizona. Jose is visiting his dads family in Mexico."

"No Lord Tubbington you can't watch him...your only in my head." I had to laugh at her talking to the rocking chair.

"What about Mike or Sasha can they get off?" I ask rooting around.

"No Sasha's taking the older kids to a competition and Mike has taken all of his classes. San, I think we have to call the people on the next list..."

"No..I can't, not unless it's in a public setting. We have the list if they aren't on it they are people we can't trust him alone with them, especially when he's sick." We had made the lists mainly because of me and my history of when I was the one being babysitted. I knew she was right. "Alright I'll call Mrs. Jameson next door she's always offering to watch him for us." I liked Mrs. Jameson she was pretty open minded for a grandma and had grandchildren that were our age. She was an old lonely widow and sweet as a granny can be, I just have trust issues.

"If this goes well do you think we can move her to the trustee list." I nod but before we could kiss and make up I hear our baby scream from his bed room. "I got it you call Grammy..." I smile Mrs. Jameson had told us repeatedly to call her that but I can't bring myself to call her that just yet. It seemed too informal for an elderly lady that I didn't know all my life.

I managed to get ahold of her and she gladly agreed to watch him. I tried not to tear up when Brittany handed him off too her, but when he started crying I got really nervous. Brittany grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Thank you for doing this."

"Ah, it was nothing sweetheart. I like spending time with babies, mine are all grown. You go take care of your business feel free to call at anytime. I'll make sure the sprout continues to get what he needs to get better." I hug her thank you but was really crying by the time we got to the car.

"You did amazing. He'll be ok. I'll see you tonight. Try not to worry thorugh your meeting I'm sure they are talking about important stuff. Sorry I got so tense earlier..."

"I'm sorry too." I say kissing her before we drove off to work.


	3. Sadie

=Santana=

Watching Brittany dance never fails to amaze me, even when she was just running though her kid's routine. Granted this was just her three best dancers they were still all under 7. She was holding an extra practice for the competition next week giving her trio a special practice. I know she would like to dance professionally. There are many reasons why she can't. The main reason is Lucas and the time dancing would take from him. The other is her leg is still jacked up from that fall all those years ago. Another big reason is she doesn't think she'll be able to pass their intense psychological exams, doubt either of us could. Rachel barley got on Broadway with all her issues and wouldn't have if she hadn't pulled the discrimination card.

"Mami, when is mommy going to be done; I'm hungry." Lucas whines from the floor where he was playing with his Hot-wheels; he was in dance for about five months when he was three but he didn't like it so he mainly just played in the back room until I got off work, now almost five he has no interest in dance. "Mami...your mouth is still opened." I feel myself blush as I kiss his dark locks.

"The class is over now we just got to wait for their mommies to come and get them then we can go get something to eat." Two of the kids left right away as their parents were right outside.

I waited in the lobby with Lucas it seemed like forever before she walked out holding her youngest dancer who looked about four crying into her shoulder. "Sweetheart I'm sure they are just running a little late. It's OK honey. San can you take her and Lucas to the play room I'm going to try to call someone to come get her. Sadie this is Santana, she's going to take you to the play room while I try to get ahold of your mommy."

"Come on Sadie" I say grabbing her hand with a big smile, making sure my own four year old was tagging behind me. The little girl was still crying but calming down by the time Brittany came back she and Lucas were playing some sort of game happily. She motioned for me to come over. "Her parents I can't get a hold of either of them all four numbers we have for her have been disconnected she has no other family. I don't know what else we can do. Maybe their lost but I doubt it. I'm going to look around the studio for them." I nod but I had a lump in my throat, the kind of lump that told me we weren't going to find this little girl's parents. I didn't know if they abandoned her or got into some horrible accident.

I look at the two of them, he was showing her her favorite cars and they were racing them on a mat. Brittany came back. "Nothing huh...How about you wait here with them and I'll go pick up something for them to eat. Lucas is starving. A large cheese pizza should be enough for the four of us right." she nods and sits to play with the kids.

I come back with the pizza and see the three of them in the same spot where I left them. We ate and waited some more. It was nearly eight and both the kids had fallen asleep on the floor. "So what are we going to do. It's almost eight and I don't think anyone is coming, and we certainly can't leave her alone here. Have you called the hospitals." she nods. "Alright try to call all of them again. I'm going to go check with the police and see what we can do. If we can I'll see if we can take her home tonight and work it out tomorrow. It'll be better than upsetting her again after she has gotten comfortable with us. I'll fill you in; keep the doors locked; I have a key. Stay in the back room." I say. I didn't like her staying alone here and Sasha left about an hour ago and Mike had left when I first got here around three. It's not that the studio is in a bad neighborhood, I just have paranoia issues. Even walking the 5 feet to our SUV I grip the mace in my purse. It was late and despite being off work most of the day I was exhausted. After calling everyone we already called and checked on the address we had for them, filling out a lot of paperwork. Britt and I were given temporary custody for tonight only. They said the made an exception because she was clinging to Brittany so much and tried to bite the officer when they tried to take her. I had to stifle a laugh at the fact that she didn't try to bite me.

"I'm going to head home and get the extra car seat. We'll put Sadie in his main one and him in the booster as he's bigger. We'll leave a note and take her home with us." She nods but I could tell she was on the verge of tears. I was too we both knew this little girls parents were either dead, the hospital, or long gone purposely leaving her behind. Tomorrow she would have to go to the police station again and I had to work but we'll deal with that in the morning. I get back with the car seats we each take a child and gently buckle them in, trying our best not to wake either of them. I start the car and hear a sob. "Britt honey" I hold her hand as she silently cries all the way home. I manage to hold it together until we get them both changed into pjs. We put an old shirt of ours on Sadie and set her at the foot of our bed and dressed as modestly as we could not knowing what the next day would bring. We just knew that this little girl was all but dropped on our door step and we couldn't legally adopt her just yet even though I already knew Brittany wanted to and I'll be lying if I didn't find her charming. "So what do you know about her parents?" I ask.

"Pretty much nothing they drive an older Honda and paid for her first month of classes with a check. She's talented but I have a feeling that the check will bounce. Do you think they left her." I nod almost positive they left her. "Why?"

"I don't know."

"Can we keep her?"

"It's not like she's a puppy, Britt, but I'll see what we can do but we have to go back to the police tomorrow."

"What if they put her in foster-care?

"The probably will but I'll see if we can be her foster parents until we can work it out."

"What are we going to tell her."

"I don't know." I say car fully folding my body to hers avoiding the little girl who's life has been altered forever.

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**AN: I have another chapter written but not sure when it'll be ready or when it'll take place. But one of the New Directions has a major relapse. Please review on what you'll like to see. I also have an idea for a chapter that takes place before this one but it's only an idea as of now. I'm also trying to think of a story for another universe but I'm coming up dry. Thank you for reading, please review and I'll keep the chapters coming.**


	4. Repressed Memories

**AN: This chapter is boarderline M and should be proceeded with caution. If you have read LIMH then this should be fairly tame. Triggers: child abuse, inferred rape, and drug references. This isn't the one I have written from before but one that was bugging me a few hours before I typed it. Please Review and tell me if I need to up the rating or if there are any other characters you want to know about. I have a Faberry chapter written I just got to tune it and figure out how to fit it in.  
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=Santana=

_I am in the woods next to that old house. I'm freezing there's snow on the ground and I don't have a coat on but my old elementary uniform and panting. I'm not sure about my age. I notice a tear in my tights. I hear him tramping after me. I look for a place to hide. I pull myself up the nearest tree trying to get a grip on the slick bark, but am pulled down before I can climb up. "Stupid worthless bitch. It's time you earn your keep." He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder I pound his back trying to get out of his grip. _

"_Let me go, Please I'll be good. Help!" I yell knowing I shouldn't but I was scared. He hits me upside the head until I pass out. I wake up in that horrid bedroom. _

"_Sorry it took so long, pay up and you have two to three hours." I see a stranger pass a wad of bills to my uncle. "You have fun try not to leave too many marks, I can explain a few, but not a lot." and then he leaves me with the stranger. I cower to the head of the bed. I knew what was coming. _

"_So it's Tana, right, well we are going to have fun this afternoon. You'll do what I say right?" He talked as if he was just asking me what I wanted for Christmas and if I've been a 'good girl' this year. _

"_Please don't hurt me mister." I say looking into his lust filled eyes. Vainly hoping that he was here to help me not hurt me. I knew what he was here to do though._

"_Well then you'll have to cooperate, won't you Tana. I just payed good money for you, you better be good you little whore." He says, reaching to undo his belt._

"Santana. Come on wake up baby." I look around I'm back in our bedroom and Brittany is holding me. "You Okay now?" I shake my head and run to our bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach. "You want to talk about it." she asks pulling back my hair. I shake my head still feeling sick.

"The bastard sold me. I don't want to remember anything I repressed. They're repressed for a reason. If they didn't surface at the hospital, why are they surfacing now.". If he did it once he probably did it twenty times over. He had pimped me out; in the dream, I had to be no younger than six and no older then eight. The 'what if' thought of me never killing him had me dry heaving in to the toilet. He would have sold my sister too. He would have us though-out the summer and winter break. He would insist that it wasn't a problem to keep us that day-care was a waist of money. Where did he find all these pedophiles anyway? Was there some underground club?

"Next week we need to put both the kids in karate." I say. I had made both of us take many many classes after we got out of the hospital. We have already explain that if anybody other than us or a doctor if we were in the room touches you were your swim suit covers to go to another trusted adult, and it should never be a secret. To follow their instincts. I didn't want to scare them but just protect them. Just the thought of someone hurting them breaks me down into loud sobs. She just holds me to her chest, muffling my cries to our children whispering comforting things. I knew she didn't know what to say I didn't know if I would know what to do.

The kids weren't old enough to know. Sadie had just adjusted to us as her parents and started calling us 'Mama' and 'Mami' we have been her legal guardians for almost a year. Neither Sadie or Lucas knew about their mothers issues. Sadie barley knew why her parents left. We had told her that her mommy and daddy couldn't take care of her so she left her with someone who could. We knew a bit more. Both parents were drug addicts and fought all the time. The names we had for them were fake. Currently the father is in prison and the mother is in rehab. She wrote us a letter saying that she knew exactly what she was doing when she left her in the studio she knew that if we didn't take her in Sasha or Mike would and the girl would have a life she would never be able to give her. That she worried about her safety with her father and the people they hung around. Both parents signed over their rights. Though the father didn't like that she would be taking care of by a couple of 'fucking dykes', the mother agreed to drop the assault charge she had against him if he did sign her over. I'm worried about the emotional scars, hopefully she is young enough to be blinded by the pretty bed room and toys to forget about her meth-head parents.

"Are you going in to work today?" she asks still holding me I nod knowing that I couldn't call in again not today anyway. "Come on lets get the babies up, and ready." she kisses me before helping me back to my feet. I get Lucas dressed and pack his lunch. While Brittany gets Sadie in one of her dance outfits as she isn't old enough to be in kindergarten yet. We eat a quick breakfast and I peck her on the lips, making Lucas and Sadie 'eww' before heading out to his school.


	5. Fighting

=Santana=

_I'm laying in my bed, in my new bedroom that I got all to myself. It was warm and comfy. It has been three months since we moved to Lima and I was finally starting to adjust. I still had accidents some nights so I had to wear 'Goodnites' to bed. They weren't as common as they were before but I still had accidents some nights. _

"_I think we need to send her to someone. She's still wetting the bed. She's still scared of him. I still don't know how you didn't know." Mami is not quite yelling but raising her voice._

"_How the hell was I supposed to know?" My dad yells back._

"_He was your fucking brother!"_

"_So you picked them up every day. You spent the most time with the girls you and you never thought that something was going on!"_

_I roll over pressing my pillow to my ear with one hand griping my stuffed goat Julio with the other. I then hear my door open. "Santti, can I sleep with you tonight?" I smile at my baby sister asking her to shut the door on her way over. "Why are Mami and Papa fighting? Is it our fault." I tell her it isn't but I blame myself. I was the big sister, I was supposed to protect her. They were fighting because of me. _

I sit up, it wasn't a nightmare as much as a memory. I didn't even wake Brittany up. I look over at the clock and it's a little before six. Deciding that I wouldn't get back to sleep I get up to start my day.

I check on both the kids. I find it funny how our adopted child is almost a brunette mini-Brittany and our son takes more after me. When biologically he's my nephew but if anyone points it out to us I'll break their nose, and judging by his first week of kindergarten, he'll try too.

_It was just a boring day I got suckered into taking the intern, Adam, but he was nice enough even-though I swear the kid has a crush on me. I told him that I was married and pointed to a picture of Brittany and he response reminded me of Puckerman before his wife tamed him. "That's so fucking hot."_

"_Try not to curse while on the clock."_

"_Yes Mam!" _

_I roll my eyes knowing that I can't fight the kid I was getting old. My phone begins to ring, I let Adam get it. "Mrs. Lopez-Pirece, Adam talking. Yes she's here." he hands me the phone._

"_Santana Lopez-Pirece." I say. Wondering why they couldn't talk to him. _

"_Mrs. Lopez we need someone to come pick up your son."_

"_Is he okay!" I say instantly worried._

"_He's fine he just have been fighting." Crap even when he's Brittany's he turns up like me. I sigh, "I'll be there as soon as I can." _

_I walk into the office and see my five year old swinging his legs. Shamefully looking at me. "From what I gather a kid called him a bad name and he jumped him."_

"_He was calling me a sissy. And he said our family wasn't normal. He said I was a sissy because I didn't have a dad to teach me how to be a boy. So I tackled him." _

"_And what are you doing to the boy who was calling my son names."_

"_Haven't you heard of, 'Stick's and Stones'." Damn this woman makes me want to punch her out._

"_Yeah and I know it's bull-crap." I was still in therapy for the words that were said to me when I wasn't so much older than Lucas. This was on the smaller scale but still. _

"_Now I see where he gets it. It's no wonder he can't act right. He doesn't have anybody at home to teach him right." At this I stand up and throw a stapler at her. _

"_Alright Mami." _

"_That's a lawsuit Lopez and you just upped his suspension to expelltion."_

"_Sue me and I'll make sure to fight you back just as hard for singling him out. You'll not only have the LBGT community but also have somebody with a degree looking into that 'sticks and stones' bullshit. And as for his expelltion I'm pulling him from your establishment." I pick him up. Flipping her a bird on my way out. I knew that Britt was going to be pissed at me, but we weren't sending him to private school to be bullied and when he fought back nothing happened to the other kid. _

I was in the dog house for that night but she quickly forgave me. It was more because I said 'shit' in front of him and threw the stapler. I smile at the memory, I don't regret it and his new school is a hundred times better and cheaper. There still were haters but when he did snap they both were punished. I walk down stairs and start making breakfast but before I could I feel two slender arms around my waist. "The kids are still asleep and it's Sunday. Come back to bed...I'll make it worth it." She nips my ear, and how could I turn down the opportunity to sleep with my beautiful wife?

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**AN: As cheap as this feels I'm not going to update till I get at least one review. I just would like a little feedback it's a little discouraging**


	6. Back to Lima

=Brittany=

When I got the call from a blubbering Quinn saying that Rachel has gone off the deep end, Santana and I both decided that since it was summer my studio was closing down for a month for vacation and Santana had built up vacation time we decided to go home to Lima and stay with my aunt. I didnt know the details of Rachel's relapse I just know that she got she went for her call back and they told her that they were going into another direction. She then hacked the crap out of her forearms in her dressing room. Kurt was the one that found her and took the babies while Quinn sat with her in ICU waiting for the Berry dads to fly up to New York.

After she was stabilized, medically, they moved her back to LIMH. Quinn followed with their three year old twins Patti and Nathanael and is currently bunking with the dads, desperate for girl talk. She works from her laptop so it wasn't a big deal she could live and work where ever. I was more worried about her being 2 months pregnant and the stress it'll put on her. She had just found out two days before we got the call from her saying that Rachel was in the hospital. She was planning to tell her over a romantic dinner while Blaine and Kurt watch the kids with their adopted at birth son, Oliver who was almost three.

Other than visiting our two best friends there was still a lot of people in Ohio that we wanted to see. Mr. Schue and Ms. P(It's too weird to call them by their first name even though they have been married since before we even left Lima.) their three children, Elizabeth, Eleanor(Ellie), Ethan. Sam and Cedes and their son, Michel, even Finn and his family. My mom's side of the family. There was lots of people to visit in Ohio.

Other than visiting people, I had a plans for other things. I have often wondered if the doctors, police and her caseworker knew more than even she did. I don't want to be blind sighted by another repressed memory. I want to know more about her tragic past so I'll know how to deal with it if it ever surfaces. Her parents didn't want to know the details so they never looked into it; It was probably too painful for them. I know that they thought they were doing the right thing by trying to forget but it did more damage than it would have if they faced it head on.

She forgot a lot of it because she was so young and it was so horrible. I thought I knew it all, than this latest nightmare came about. The asshole charged his pedo buddies to rape her. It was probably more frequent than she remembers. I figured the caseworker and the police would know the most. We have been sending her caseworker thank you flowers for the past 10 years. Because if he didn't fight for her, she would probably be in jail or dead now. She was so angry when I first met her; she would have remained angry, having sex with anyone, and probably would have gotten into prostitution, drugs and drinking. I'm scared of what I will find but I need to know.

I watch as Santana is reading to Lucas, Sadie was already asleep. I creep into her room trying to make sure we haven't forgotten anything. We have packed a fun bag for them both and the suitcases. As for her favorite stuffed animal that was something I'll have to make sure we have in the car tomorrow she won't sleep with out her. She was a stuffed rabbit with a tutu on, we had gotten both Sadie and Lucas a stuffed animal from the build a bear workshop when we finished the adoption process. She didn't have a 'security blanket' from her old house most of her things were gross and since she had no attachment to any of it we kept some pictures. Her mother was helpful and with her parol officer(we left the kids with Brittany's father) she showed us her baby book keeping a few pictures for herself. We separated the pictures of her biological parents from the rest of the baby book but didn't throw them out.

Lucas has had a stuffed duck in a baseball jersey since before he was born. Santana and I had gotten him from Build a Bear two months before he was due. That was the one he'd have to take with him, and a few of his favorite hot-wheels. We were only going to allow him to bring seven cause he has at least forty and if we let him pack his own bag he'd bring them all and no socks or underwear. She was bringing a few Barbies and what ever clothes she could fit in the crayon box (we dumped all the crayons in a bigger box). We had plenty of clothing for them and the kids shampoo. We had a small string of white Christmas lights we use as night-lights for Sadie and Lucas. I wasn't sure how long we were going at least two weeks and my aunt does have a washing machine. I might stay longer depending on how they are holding up and how far I can dig into Santana's past, without her knowing. Deciding I have gotten everything I could possibly think of I move Sadie's curls behind her ear and kissed her cheek.

Knowing that Santana and I would have to take turns driving we planned on going to bed extra early. "She sleeping." Santana says in a hushed voice. I nod and we both crawl into bed curling into our usual sleeping position with me taking the big spoon and breathing in her conditioner.

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**AN: Thank you guys for the reviews. This part was originally part of the last chapter but I like to keep them fairly short. I feel that it flows better that way. Now I'm not sure how the other chapters are going to go. I have had this one kinda written out for a while now. Though I had to rewrite it for continuity sake. **

**This story is meant to be where I can end it at anytime and continue it at anytime. I'm not going to leave a story-line have done(if you know what I mean). There will be at least two chapters involving this story line. Keep the reviews up and I will continue trying to update as long as the ideas keep flowing.**


	7. Maybe It's Lima

**AN: This is a M chapter not very graphic but still very dark. Continue with caution. **

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=Santana=

It has to be Lima...Lima always gives me the worst nightmares. The first night bunking at Brittany's aunts, I had the worse nightmare since Lucas was born. Probably the worse I had since we left Lima. And my first serious night terror in-front of the kids.

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_I wake up in a dark room on carpet. My body aches from my most recent beating. I'm not sure of my age maybe early teens judging by my boney limbs but maybe that's because I'm fed so little. I knew where I was. I was in the only hell I could be in and still be alive, sometimes the fiery hell would be welcome to this living hell. I couldn't move and my vision was blurred. I knew he had stripped me of all my clothes except my underwear and the only reason he let me keep them is he was afraid I'd catch something and give it to him. It's why everyone had to be tested by his best friend who was some kind of doctor before being allowed to buy my services._

"_You knew what would happen if anyone found out. Now you and your friend will live down here." He says going down the stairs to the basement. "I'm going to have some friends coming over to night, I expect you to teach blondie over there the ropes. Here's your lunch share with your friend and I'll start teaching and apologizing now if I were you; this is your fault after all. You have six hours before I'll come down here with my buddies for the party. Then we'll have our fun." He drops a small store bought vegetable tray and two bottles of water. I hear the door slam and click locked. I try to force myself up as the moments from the day before comes back to me._

_oooooo_

_She kissed me at the lockers. I felt myself kissing her back raising my hands to her hair. She then noticed the bruises on my wrists, made by the ropes from the 'game' they played with me yesterday. She'd asked where they were from. I tried to lie but she didn't believe it and lifted up my shirt to see more bruises and the burns. I tried to say that I was mugged the other day but she then asked why some bruises and scars were half healed while others look like they were made yesterday. "Brittany please stop asking questions. I can't answer them." _

"_Santana I care about you, but someone is hurting you. Is this why you always cancel on me when I try to take you out?" I let out a sob. I couldn't tell her everything not the Friday night gang rapes and crazy beatings if I didn't participate. How he uses me as his personal ashtray. How he has made thousands off making me have sex with whoever has the cash. The strict diet he has me on, that only a rabbit would want. _

"_Will you drive me to the police station?" I ask knowing she already knew someone was hurting me. I didn't need to tell her the extent of the abuse. She just nods and holds my hand as we were walking to her PT Cruiser and then I felt a stinging in my neck before passing out._

_I wake up in the cellar and immediately get kicked in gut. "What the hell was that for!" I shout only to get kicked again. I notice it wasn't my uncle but his best friend beating me. I hear muffled screams from the bed in the corner. I couldn't get a good look over there but he kept beating me. I catch a glance of my best friend before a blow to the head slipped me into darkness again. _

_ooooooooo_

_I stumble over to the bed but didn't see her. I hear a slight moan and I walk to the other end of the bed. He had only put her underwear back on her. I see blood on the fitted sheet. I knew it, he took her virginity just like he took mine and my sister's before he killed her. I lift her into my lap smoothing her hair behind her. "San, please tell me this is just a bad dream.." I shush her and lift her up to the bed. _

"_Sadly it isn't. Your in my basement. Do you remember what I told you?"_

"_That someone has been abusing you?" she groans. Gingerly rubbing her head. I nod picking up the tray._

"_I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you find out; now we get to live in this hell for God only knows how long. You are now his sex toy too and it'll only be worst if you fight him." I was distancing myself and avoiding making eye contact with her. I have no idea how he found out I had told maybe he bugged my backpack. Maybe one of his younger clients saw the kiss from the week before and wanted to stomp out any light in my life. didn't know. _

"_So this is what really has been going on?" She asks not showing any emotion one way or another. I nod not know what to say. She reaches up and kisses me. "I don't want you to blame yourself. We'll wing it tonight. Do whatever they ask but we are going to get out of here." I didn't want to tell her there was no way out that we were two stories below the ground, the locks on the doors leading to the main house were like the kind of locks that are on doors that lead to the out side except they each have four deadbolts and two chains. The room was soundproof, we were about 10 miles outside Lima and the nearest town, 5 miles to the nearest house, and you wouldn't even know there was another cellar under the basement if you didn't already know it was there. _

_The basement itself is a house of horrors. It is where he stores the drugs, whips, and everything else he uses to hurt us. There are suspenders from the ceiling. He keeps all the receipts and files on the men who have been tested, his clients. There are five men who participate in the parties on Fridays for free(or discounted). The youngest is probably the rat that told him about Brittany. I find myself wishing that it wasn't a beautiful blonde I fell in love with but someone who is a turn off to my capture. Knowing him however, he'd just have her/him killed, though I'm not sure this is much better. "I don't know if there is a way out." _

_She then starts examine my battered body. "So what did you do to deserve all of this; How long has this been going on?" The burns, sores and bruises were obvious when not covered even in the dimly lit room. _

"_I fought him, I didn't fight him. I was a dead lay. I exist. He really doesn't need a reason to beat me. We need to eat. It's not likly we'll get anything else today." I say opening the plastic tray. We munch on the carrot sticks, baby tomatoes, and celery. _

_We start looking around our prison for anything but we came up with nothing. Our clothes disappeared, I don't know what happened to Britt's cell phone and school books. We just laid on the bed holding each other till our first hell night began. "Come on girls give the guys a show." I swallow I knew what they wanted. I walk over to her and start kissing her hoping she'll follow my lead. I don't know how long the routine went on. There was no clock, nothing but the single light bulb. They came down at least four times, to do what ever they wanted to do you us or have us do what ever they wanted if we refused we were beaten. It didn't take long for them to break her like they did to me. All the magic in her seemed to evaporate after the first ordeal. We were in hell._

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I wake up gasping with Brittany holding on to me tightly. It took me a minute to remember where I was. Then I see four sets of frightened eyes looking at me. One belonging to my wife, one her aunt who had her arms across the owners of the other two who looked really scared. "I think we need to tell them something, maybe not everything but you have already scared them." Britt whispers in my ear.

We walk them to the living room and sit them down. "Are we in trouble for being up so late?" Sadie asks making my heart hurt. Lori, Britt's aunt, has gone back to bed already knowing the basics of my nightmares.

"When I was about your age, my babysitter hurt me but said if I told anyone he'd hurt your Aunt Sebina. He hurt me almost everyday after school. And though he was caught and went away, I still have bad nightmares of him hurting any of us. I'll tell you more when you get older." I sigh happy to be done simplifying my issues. Brittany wouldn't be able to hide her hallucinations much longer, but that was for another day.

By the time we got here Quinn had already calmed down and Rachel was moved off of suicide watch. Tomorrow Rachel was being moved to an out patient program. She feels really stupid now and honestly thinks she was over qualified for the role. That's just Berry though narcissistic to the core. We still had a week to blow here before driving back to Iowa . A week to spend with our two best friends plus some and the children.

"Do you want to talk about it." she asks me spooning from behind.

"Not really it was graphic painful and very simular to the one I had the last year at LIMH. This one felt a little more hopeless though they didn't kill us but I think my dream self would have welcomed being killed."

"You did really well explaining it to the kids. Love you." she says kissing the back of my neck quietly singing to me and like the many times before I fall into a normal slumber.

* * *

**AN: I'm debating about upping the rating but only some are dark enough to warnt it. I'm not dry on ideas as I am on how to incorperate them. I have an idea on a chapter that takes place after Lucas but before Sadie just don't know how to write it. **

**The sooner you Review the faster I'll write the next chapter; It more than encourages me. Thank you to those of you who have been reading and tell me if I should up the rating to M or just put a warning at the beginning. **


	8. Things That Have Been Buried

=Brittany=

After the nightmare incident, I wanted to check up on her even more. It took me a while to get away but somehow I managed it. I faked being sick when Quinn and us were supposed to take the kids to a local water park. As soon as they were gone, I drove the 2 hour drive to Columbus after making an appointment with Mr. Opel, her case worker.

" Normally I wouldn't release information without the concent of the client...but this is very special circumstances and to get her concent would probably send her into a tailspin. So tell me about this latest nightmare, and you are her spouse." I smile I could tell he approved of us but didn't know how to say it. Over the years I learned to tell the difference after Santana loosing her cool on a few people, some deserved it most didn't.

"Do you mean nightmare or flashback because the other day she had another nightmare about her uncle turning us both into sex slaves...The Flashback was her uncle selling her to some guy. I don't know what else happened or how to deal if she remembers any other horrid act he did to her."

"He did do a lot more then she remembers, she spent a lot more time with him for one thing, most of the Summer and Winter breaks. Her little sister who was only three and four at the time and stayed with one of his friend's mother who had no idea what was really going on and was just told that he couldn't watch her when he was sleeping or 'working' she didn't even know Santana existed, at the time Sebina spoke very little English so she couldn't tell anyone and was often bribed with sweets when she fussed. He had them for a solid week one summer. Serval of his friends then violated her in just about every way you can imagine. This probably happend about once every few months when their parents would want to have a date night. If he couldn't find a sitter for Sebina they either took turns watching her or more often drugged her so he could hurt Santana without having her baby sister bust in and not being able to shut her up. He never planned on not hurting Sebina...he just wanted to wait till she was a little older, old enough to control, so he used her as leverage until then.

Her uncle would repeatedly dunked her in cold water until she agreed that she was worthless and only good for sex; He did this when ever she showed a single bit of defiance. Carlos bragged about these acts to his friends and even made and sold his own kiddy porn videos. Most of them were her and him, there was one with Santana and another young girl; they were just sickening .

The two girls weren't the only ones he hurt. He hurt a neighbor girl too. Though we didn't find that out until the police searched the house and found the videos. Apparently Santana was made to perform sexual acts with the neighbor girl who was a little older than she was but no older than twelve. I don't know what happened to her from there or what he said to keep her quite. This is all told by one of the rapist who talked to save his own ass." I don't know when I dazed out. It was a lot to take in. It made me sick to my stomach thinking of all the sickos involved. No wonder Santana is so set on knowing who watches the kids, and who will even be around them. There are still only about fifteen people in Iowa she'll trust with them for more than an hour and not counting the Changs or family it's only about five: Sasha, Patrick(Sasha's boyfriend of four years), Carrie(on of her co workers), Grammy, and Mandy(our therapist).

"I'm not going to say it's all water under the bridge, because obviously it still effects her. But it doesn't help to dwell on the past. There's nothing we can do about it now. The only man that we know who was involved and is free, is still on probation, very remorseful and hasn't re-offended even if he's going to be labeled an sex offender the rest of his life and the kid was only fifteen at the time of his arrest. The rest we know of are in prison for life or have been killed, one way or another. Do you have any questions? Ms. Pierce are you alright?" I manage to nod though I feel numb to the new information. I knew it was going to be rough but I couldn't prepare myself enough to hear everything he knew.

"I think I'm going to be sick." I say my voice cracking. I make it to the waste basket and start to blubber. Thinking of thirty something year old men touching a grade schooler and forcing her to do some of the grossest things. It was just fucking awful and knowing it was my wife, partner, other half, just maid it worst. I continue crying curling up in a ball until he then walks me back to the seat.

"Luckily most of the court case was done without her or her parents in the room. I knew prison was no place for her and since I have a degree in psychology too I knew even more about why she was so promiscuous and angry even if she didn't know, so I did my research. My reaction was simular." I nod still feeling numb to all the images I had gotten. "You to met at the hospital, but I don't know why you were there."

"I have a mild form of schizophrenia. As of now I only see and hear two non-violent voices, usally. I was worst then." I say. In truth I rarely heard or saw any of them other than Goat and Lord T and when I did all I really had to do was wish them away, with exception of a few instants where it was harder to get them to shut up but I was the one in control.

"So how often does she have these nightmares?" he asked I could tell he was really concerned about her well being even after fifteen years.

"Only about once a month does she have one that wakes me up. Sometimes it's a flashback some times it's has to do with her not being able to protect me or the kids, those are usually the worst and most graphic. But rarely does she have one anymore that shakes her up enough to not go back to sleep, especially if I sing to her like I used to at the institution. She says it lets her know that I'm okay."

"Tell me about your kids." he said smiling I knew he was trying to get my mind off the horrible things that he just told me. I pull out my phone to show him a picture of Lucas piggybacking Sadie and pass it to him. "They darling. Are they both yours."

"Lucas is; he just turned six. Sadie is adopted, she was abandoned at my dance studio and really held on to me. We have had her for a little over a year. Do you think she's going to have abandonment issues?" I was really worried about this. I kept meaning to ask my therapist but always forgot. She couldn't have came into our lifes at a better time.

_After Lucas was compleatly potty trained Santana and I were talking about having one more, so we started the treatments. I was happy when finally the test came back positive. I couldn't wait to tell San. We were happy and even started picking up random unisex items that were too cute not to pick up. A white onesie that said I love my moms in rainbow letters, which we had to get. A towl that doubled as a duck costume. A rainbow stuffed elefant. We went a little baby crazy. We didn't tell Lucas yet which was a good thing, because I would miscarry._

_At our 10 week check up, the baby doctor informed me that baby didn't have a heart beat that the baby had died. Santana had to explain it to me that these things just happen. Despite cutting back on the dancing, cutting out caffeine all together and eating right, there was nothing more that we could do. Sasha and Mike took over my classes for two weeks as I didn't feel like dancing. I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I just curled up with the cute yellow and green things we bought for a baby we would never have. I remember Santana dropping Lucas off at her parents, and just held me because I was a blubbering mess. The days ran together. I cried a lot and forgot to shower and eat and probably wouldn't have at all if I didn't have Santana making me. Three months later I'm almost back to normal when, I get a new student who should have been in the toddler class (age 2-3) but after watching her dance I had to move her to the little dancer class(4-6). I quickly fell in love with her like all my students. A week into the program I took my best three and put them into a trio. We had an extra practice. The night Sadie's parent's never came to pick her up. Within the night I wanted to take her home, and it didn't take long to convince San too. _

"You can't know. Has she been missing her birth parents?"

"A little at the beginning. She doesn't bring them up much at all anymore."

" I don't think she'll be too damaged just be there for her if she needs to talk. Well it's been nice talking to you. Give me a call if you need any advise on helping her with her nightmares." I thank him again and shake his hand before heading back to Lima.

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**AN: I feel cheap...but I need reviews. One review and I'll start the next chapter. This chapter was going to become two chapters but it worked better this way. This arch is almost over and I'll probably go back to the sitcom type stuff(though I'm not used to writing that kind of stuff. I've always written a little on the dark side.) I have an idea that takes place well into the future so I might be jumping all over the time line. Thanks for reading :)**


	9. Alone Time

**AN: I am working on my proofreading but I haven't been in school for awhile and have always been bad at it. Thanks for the review and hope to see more this time. I hope from this chapter on it'll be more sicomy than angsty but can't promise anything. Sorry this one is so short.**

=Santana=

After the water park, I made it back to Britt's aunt's. Our kids were going to spend more time with Nathan and Patti as they had became fast friends regardless of the age difference. I think Nathan was just happy to have a guys guy to talk to Quinn said it'll be no problem. Rachels Dads said it'll be fine to have them for dinner and even invited Britt and me. I turned it down though saying that Brittany wasn't feeling good that I was just going to check up on her and will pick up the kids later tonight. Lucas got a bit sun-burned because he wouldn't stay out of the water to re apply the sunscreen. The Faberry babies were too young to flat out say no and Sadie wasn't as hard headed as her brother. Since Quinn was prego and Rachel couldn't get her bandages wet, we mainly stayed in the kiddy pools, I went on a few rides with my kids but they were still too small for most of them. I walk into the guest room to see her curled up into a ball, sobbing. "Baby, what's wrong?"

She quickly wipes away the tears. "Nothing..." she lies sitting up. I knew better. Brittany was a bad lier and it didn't take fifteen years of being joined at the hip to know that she was lying. She had clearly been crying for a while: puffy red eyes, clogged nose, gross dry snot on her t-shirt.

"So why did you really stay behind? Are they bugging you today cause I know you're not on you period." I say sitting down with her taking her hand into mine.

She starts chewing on her bottom lip. "I went to see Mr. Opel...I wanted to be prepared if any other bad memories turn up. That way I would be able to take care of you, instead of blubbering with you." She said this really fast. "Please don't be mad." I wasn't mad, I just wanted to hug her, I knew it was bad, like really really bad.

Parts of me wanted to make her tell me everything but then our kids would have both their parents a blubbering mess and though it's been more than a week Sadie was still very shy around Lori, yet somehow she has warmed up to Berry and Q. Between morning sickness, Rachel and the two toddlers they had enough to deal with than to take them for more than an hour or two.

I would rather her tell me than live it again through a nightmare and find out that way. I'd prefer to live in ignorance of other things that was done to that little girl I was over 20 years ago. I knew enough to know that my uncle was evil and there was still evil out there. I didn't want to know the details but I knew it was inevitable. "Well how about you recover first and then tell me a little at a time." I say hugging her. She returns the hug only to start blubbering again. I don't know how long she cried on my shoulder. I was just thankful that the kids were playing with the faberry kids and having dinner with Berry's dads because she was loud. Her aunt was at Bingo. I couldn't make out any of what she was saying if she was saying anything.

Meeting up with the other members of the glee club were proving to be difficult because one we all had kids now varying from 2 weeks, Finn's newborn, to 13 years Mr. Shue's oldest. Mr. Shue and Mrs.P had lunch with us but have left on their own vacation shortly after we got here. Kurt and Blaine had to go back to NYC for Blaine's show and Kurt's clothing line. As for the others Quinn didn't want everyone to know that Rachel had a relaps, so it was kept on the down low. Finn knew we were in town visiting Brittany's family but not Rachel and Quinn; he and his wife lived a few hours outside of Lima and couldn't stick around long because of his job.

"Have you eaten hun." I ask when she was calming down. I feel her shake her head. "Ok how about we go eat at our old place, just you an me."

"What about the kids?" she sniffles

"They're hanging out with their surgate cousins." I joke. "We'll pick them up after. Come on lets get in the shower while we have the place all to ourselves." By now she's half giggling half sobbing and we head to the shower enjoying not having to worry about our kids walking in on us.


	10. Family Matters

=Quinn=

Rachel was doing better but we were going to stay in Lima for awhile. Me and Daddy are going to go back to our NY apartment and move us down here until we know Rachel is completely better. We had managed to get her a job as a vocal coach at a local theater. Brittany and Santana were probably going to go back to Iowa soon as her dance studio will be opening again. She really scared me that day.

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"_Mama, Nathan is pulling my hair." I look up from my computer and scold my son. Both were nearly carbon copies of their birth mother. Dark hair, medium skin, deep brown eyes that you get lost in. They slightly resembled Kurt our sperm donor but mostly Rachel. Patti sticks her tongue out and I go back to my work. Then my cell phone goes off; I pick it up and see it was Kurt. _

"_Hello darling." I tease hoping it was just telling me Rachel had to stay late for an rehearsal and we'll have to move the surprise to tomorrow, or something. But the moment I heard him, I knew something was wrong. _

"_Quinn I'm going to come pick up the kids and Blaine will take you to the hospital." I get a lump in my throat, something had happened, but I had to hold it together. I muttered out an OK before hanging up. _

"_Ok Blaine what happened?" He tells me that Rachel slit her wrist when she didn't get the part. I start crying and he holds my hand until he gets to the hospital. "Have you called the dads?" I ask wondering. After me and the kids, they were the most important people in our lives. They were my parents too as my birth parents abandoned me. _

_Blaine walks me to the help desk. I was still crying a little, praying for the first time in like ever that she was going to be okay. He walks me to the ICU but wasn't aloud to go any further. I walk up to her bed she was in the middle of a blood transfusion. Her arms were wrapped tightly from the wrist to the crook of the elbow where the IV was, and were trying to bleed though the bandages. "Oh my God, Rach what have you done." _

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

She was back in her old narcissistic mind set for the most part and kicking herself for that one moment of crazy. She will be going to LIMH for the next two years for intensive therapy. We were happy about the baby but it was overshadowed with her regression. This wasn't the first part she didn't get so I don't know what made her snap. The play wasn't one of the best well known plays nor one of her favorites, I mean it's not like it was Funny Girl or Wicked.

Maybe we should have never stopped going to therapy, but it's not like we needed on going medication like Brittany and Santana. We were normal now; sure Rachel still had a big chip on her shoulder but she wasn't crazy was she? Neither of us have cut or anything since our earliest days at the hospital, me when I last saw my birth parents and they said I would be going to hell if I date her. After that they were asked to sign me over and not return. They did so if only to have a risk free excuse to completely disown me. I guess I related to Blaine more than Kurt in that aspect both of us had parents that would rather disown us than have a gay child but he still had his sister who when told to choose she chose her brother. I liked Bridget she had helped us with baby sitting and even carried Oliver for them. She was a personal trainer in Queens. My sisters disowned me too. I only claim Rachel's dads and sometimes Burt as my parents. My sisters are Santana, Britt and sometimes Bridget.

Blaine was the donor for my baby after that we were going to stop. Three was enough. We just wanted me to be the birth mother for one. The twins though they looked a lot alike but couldn't be more different. Nathan was very much a boy he climbed trees teased his sister and loved his big wheel, he loved dinosaurs and space. Patti/Patricia was a bit of a tattle loved to sing and had a fascination with marine-life (I blame Brittany for that) and was a very good swimmer. It's funny that they're only going to be four yet have so much personality already.

Other than giving me crap that I'm the first girl to turn thirty the last few weeks with Santana and Brittany had been fun. Rachel was getting better but was still ashamed that the went a little crazy. I was happy to finally meet Sadie in person. She didn't look like either of them, light brown curly hair. Hazel brown eyes a little paler than Rachel, a little short for her age. Other than being very shy, she was very much like Brittany in every other aspect sweet and childlike, very flexible, the dancer body and wanted to be a ballerina when she grew up. I still can't get over how big Lucas is getting for a six year old he was very tall. He was hardheaded and kind of a smart ass. If I did not already know he was Brittany's, I would think he was Santana's.

My phone buzzing brought me back to the present. It was a text from Santana, _we're on our way_. I look at the carpet were the boys were sleeping, I go to the bedroom were the kids were staying and see the girls sleeping in awkward angles. Rachel was in a support group meeting and Abba was reading the newspaper. Daddy was waiting to drive Rach home. They were adorable but I couldn't wait for things to get back to normal. I'm trying my best not to stress about everything but Rachel is in-between being too sick to function without intensive therapy but she's not sick enough to be a full time patient. To be honest if LIMH wasn't a halfway hospital only Santana and Brittany would have been there. I was still worried about her. We lied to the kids saying she burnt herself really bad on the stove and that was why her arms were wrapped.

There was a knock on the door. I look though the peep hole to see Brittany and Santana, Brittany waving happily at me. I open the door and press my fingers up to my lips. We awe at the sight of our little ones sleeping. Brittany takes Lucas and Santana Sadie. They kiss me on the cheek and whisper goodbye telling me to tell Rachel goodnight. I could tell Brittany had been crying she had bloodshot eyes but I did't want to ask, I knew it would only upset her again. It


	11. Voices Return

=Brittany=

Five hours in the car with Santana and her mini me can give anyone a headache. "Lucas stop it. Mami, Lucas won't keep his gross fake snake off of me"

"Lucas stop pestering you sister." Santana says firmly. Lucas sits in his booster like he did nothing but the big grin on his face says something different. I was supposed to be getting some sleep but while I was driving everyone else was sleeping so now they're getting cranky from being in the car so long.

"It's not touching you." he says holding the snake to the side of her face annoyingly close. Lucky we were only about two hours away from home.

"So are you excited that Sasha just volunteered you to be his partner for the ballroom dancing class." I rolled my eyes, I didn't mind, but teaching grown ups was just out of my comfort zone. Sasha did need a female partner though because our students ranged from age 14 to 82 and Mike can't keep a straight face when he tried to dance with him and I get the giggles when it's Mike and I, mostly just because we've known each other so long. I just hope that we don't get any very old fashion elderly because Sasha couldn't act straight if his life depended on it. It was funny to see him try. It's as bad as when parents try to act hip but their hip was 20 years ago.

He also booked us at the theater barely running it by me first. Sasha was annoying in that since. Assuming that I had nothing better going on than to be his female dancing partner to appel better to a wider audience and Patrick wasn't the best dancer. I did want to dance the higher level dances than my kids. I stilled show my most advanced things at the very beginning of the program but most of the time they just scared the preschoolers. The point of it was to show them what they could be doing with years of practice if they really wanted it.

It was easier to focus on Sasha and dance than what really was going on in my head. Everything I learned from Mr. Opel was still loud and up front. I couldn't the the images out of my head and it made me nauseous thinking about the things grown men did to a child. '_Something should have been done earlier because she went through so much; she could have been spared all the pain. You may not be able to change the past but you can prevent it from happening again; Kill your children to spare them that pain. Kill them before a bad guy hurts them.'_ Cricket whispers in ear.

I tense up trying to avoid a meltdown in front of the kids. He continued grumbling in my ear. I didn't realize I was mumbling until I felt Santana's hand on my knee. " Do we need to stop?" I couldn't answer luckily my pumpkins came to the rescue.

"Mami, I need to go pee" Sadie says through grogginess from another nap.

"I do too." Lucas adds.

"Well looks like we're stopping." Santana says taking the next exit. We stood outside the bathrooms, while our babies were doing their business. "So quickly sum up what's going on." She says, I knew she didn't want the kids to find out that I'm crazier than they already knew.

"He's telling me to kill them so they don't have to go through what you did. He's scaring me San and what if 'that one' comes back. I don't know if I can fight them both. Cricket is easy but the things he's saying make sense and that's what scares me." By the end of the rant my voice was cracking.

"Shh...it's ok you're not going to hurt them for one we are both really light sleepers for two I don't think you can, manipulating voices or not." She hugs me for a minute rubbing small circles on my back. "Better?" I nod and wipe my tears in time for Lucas to skip out of the mens room. Then Santana and I went in turns as she didn't want to leave either of the kids unattended. They were asking for sweets and I broke saying they each can pick something.

The voices were gone for now but I knew they would be back. Maybe not anytime soon but there was no avoiding it they always came back. Each time with better arguments for me to kill my family. It was really scary.

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**AN: Just another short chapter still trying to work on getting back to the one shots as I have a few ideas for those. I'm working on my proofreading but I know there will probably still be mistakes that I have missed. Please Review and I'll get the next chapter out as soon as I can.**


	12. Over Protection isn't a Bad Thing

=Santana=

Brittany and I didn't sleep much that night. Mostly because she wouldn't go to sleep. It's been a VERY long time since one of the voices bothered her that badly, before Lucas was rolling over on his own. They were telling her that she could get away with it that if she killed him, it would be written off as SIDS. She actually would have stayed in a hotel if I didn't make her stay at home and everyday for the next month she woke me up when she got up to feed him to 'watch her'. I didn't hold it against her for it especially when after a really bad nightmare I can't get back to sleep. It was no different than me asking her to sing to me.

"Britt, do you want to talk about it." I say putting a loose blond hair behind her ear.

"No but are you ready to hear more about what I found out from Mr. Opel?" I was taken aback by it. I didn't think I was ready but it must be a huge burden on her.

"He sold you to not just one but many men and made videos and he sold those too. He did this..." She then collapse sobbing, biting her wrist to keep from crying too loudly. I hold her tightly not letting myself register it just yet. "What if some sick fuck does that to either Lucas or Sadie. We can't watch them all the time, and there was at least two sick assholes at your school and you went to private schools too. No wonder you can't trust anyone ." I couldn't make out anymore as she shoved a fist in her mouth. Other than the coach there was a janitor that flirted with me freshman year. I didn't turn him down but I had a feeling he was going to get his way even if I did. He'd pulled me into the teacher's bathroom and we had sex. He also asked for a few 'favors' before I was arrested, and of course, I couldn't tell him no. He would leave notes in my locker and if I didn't answer or ignore him he'd bump into him me pull me into the nearest secluded area.

She sobbed heavily for hours it seemed like. I think she never dealt with my past. I think she was only focused on taking care of me and making me feel better. Now it has caught up to her. I could only imagine the images she has in her head. She was and is so sheltered. She's so damn innocent by nature. I did eventually get her to sleep. Just in time for it to sink in. It didn't surprise me. After my last nightmare, I assumed that was the case even the videos. I knew there was still more though. I know I have simplified or repressed everything from age 5 to 10.

Tomorrow I had to go back to work. Boring work and she had to start rehearsals with Sasha and the kids will be going to their grandparents. I couldn't trust anyone. I even went as far to meeting the other kids in the neighborhood and their parents. Most parents understood it and was happy to meet us too. I didn't want to over shelter my kids or scare them but I wanted to do everything in my power to protect them. There wasn't many kids in my parents neighborhood. Just another family but they didn't approve of our family and after one of their boys insulted us, Lucas got in a fight with him and was asked not to come back. My parents would take them to a park instead promising they wouldn't let them out of their sites.

I want to believe that I have prepared them enough to know when something was up but I was still terrified of a fluke something that even I wouldn't catch. In our neighborhood everyone knew everyone most didn't disapprove of us but there were some that didn't want their kids seeing how normal Brittany and I were. I'm just thankful their kids are much older and Lucas and Sadie had little interest in playing with them so I don't have to deal with that family. I loved most of the kids in the neighborhood. Lucas' best friend was a little boy named Malachi who was the same age. His father was a doctor and mother stayed home I've gotten to the point where I can trust his mother but I didn't know his father very well but since Kindle was almost always home, I could trust her with Lucas. Though I'm often still very overprotective, most of the families here didn't think that it was a bad thing.

Sadie had friends at her dance class and more often would go to the studio instead of her grandparents. I trusted everyone at the studio to some degree now would let them watch her if Brittany, Mike or Sasha weren't across the hall. No. I would like to think that I have gotten better, but I know it's going to get harder when they're teenagers. I don't want to be known as the crazy mom who won't let her children do anything to the point where they rebel. It was a hard balance to find. Lucas was already hating that I made him sit in a booster in the car, wearing a helmet when riding his bike or roller-skating. The booster was because the neck strap was still uncomfortable and I refused to let him put it behind him like 'normal' kids did. The helmet thing he didn't fight me as hard on, especially after Malachi scrapped up his head real bad trying to do some sort of stunt and the doctors had to shave his head to give him stitches. Since then they both wear helmets and knee pads when not in jeans, and Malachi is now rocking his afro again.

As for his karate classes I had to explain to him that he couldn't use them on his friends or sister as a means to get his way. He excelled in it but his instructor said he had problems with boundaries and not taking it too far. So we enrolled him in a non contact sport. He picked baseball and he and Malachi had a friendly competition on who can hit the most balls. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I have become one of the crazy 'soccer' moms. The games were on Saturdays so all three of us went to cheer him on. Sadie even come in a cheerleading uniform and has become almost like their mascot. Lucas was adorably over protective of her, his motto was pretty much 'Are you her brother..no, I'm the only one that can tease her so back off! No me Gusta' usually by now Sadie and Malachi were pulling him back.

Sadie had pretty much blown through Brittany's classes and now took up aerial dancing which scares me to death. She's good but accidents can happen they happened with Brittany. As for her karate classes she wasn't as good as her brother but pretty good for being so little. I didn't want them to be completely defenseless and I let them know that if an adult was intentionally hurting them to not hesitate using what they learned.

I was paranoid and often saw the worse in people. Brittany was almost the opposite seeing the goodness in people. It's funny how that is. How she has nightmares about hurting us and I have nightmares on not being able to protect them. She was the Yin to my Yang we wouldn't work without one another. She was doing better now sleeping soundly. I tuck her hair back and snuggle in behind her. Making a mental note to talk to Mandy about the incident, maybe there was something that could be done to help them go away and stay away.


	13. Curiousity Can Scar You

**AN: This chapter is going to be pretty different. Takes place way in the future. I had this idea for another non-glee story but could never incorporate it. I'm going to try it here.**

=Lucas=

I was looking for some Ibuprofen but there was none in the kitchen cabinet so I went to my parents bathroom. I opened the mirror only to be bonked with a prescription bottle. I pick it up and curiosity got to me. I looked at the bottle. It belonged to my mom, Risperdal, I googled in in my phone and found that it was a drug for schizophrenia . I saw another prescription bottle, this one was prescribed to Mami, curious again I put that in there. This one didn't shock me though, it was for anxiety. I was curious to know why. I had a good three hours to snoop before anyone else got home my little brother and sister were with my mom and my Mami was working late all week. I was just happy that they were letting me stay home alone finally. At fourteen I was finally aloud to be home alone for a few hours.

It didn't take me long to find the small plastic bin under their bed labeled 'Dream Journals'. It was heavy and filled with composition notebooks of various colors. I comb through them to find that they were dated since about five years before I was born. I pick out the earliest date. I was far too nosey now, I justified that this was stuff nearly twenty years ago not what was going on today.

_Dear Journal, this is complete bullshit. How is writing down my nightmares going to help cure them or me cope with them. I can barley talk to my fiancee about them. But both Britt and Lawson think this will help and if I ever want to get us out of this cow town and actually marry Brittany. I have to get 'well' enough to function without my therapist of 6 years. _

_Nothing was really different about this one. I would classify it as a flashback. My uncle took me home from school it was the same drill, he'd take me up to that bedroom..._

I drop the notebook and back off a few feet, who was this asshole. It couldn't be Juan and he was my only uncle on my Mami's side but like a horror movie I took my hands off my mouth and picked up the notebook again.

_He tells me to loose the clothes so I begin to remove the layers of the uniform not stalling, I knew better, but apparently wasn't moving fast enough so he does it for me nearly loosing a button in the process. He forces two fingers into me and stuffs my underwear in my mouth to muffle my screaming. Then Brittany wakes me least this one didn't wake our neighbors. Luckily Mr. Schuster who had a key and calmed me down(the last time), while very pregnant Mrs. Schue told the others that it was ok not telling them much but enough for them to know we weren't getting robbed. I think this is stupid so I'm going to go snuggle with Britt while she sings to me because that actually makes me feel better. _

There were notebooks dating from this one to now. Are all of these nightmares of my uncle raping my Mami? I know it wasn't Juan because she was normal around him and he has never lived in the states. He visits but this was an everyday event it seemed like. This wasn't your everyday journal the dates were days and days apart, and were just her nightmares. The other category was a nightmare that usually was worst that involved my mom and her not being able to protect her from the same sort of thing.

_I can barley write this I'm so shaken. I can't get the images of his hands on her and I have had this dream many times before. When I tried to get him off of her one of his 'friends' though client is probably a better word, would wrangle me into his lap facing my uncle molesting my wife, forcing me to watch. _

_I know LOGICALLY this is impossible, my uncle was dead I know because I stabbed him fifteen times according to the paramedic that day but that didn't make this image any less __threatening __. The asshole whispers threats in my ear telling me it'll be easier if I just cooperate, and since Brittany was involved I didn't have much of a choice if I wanted to get us out. Her muffled screams were getting to me. I decide to try to make a run for it and pounce him. He throws me to the ground, cursing at me in Spanish and continues to violate her. _

_The 'friend' bends to kiss me hard on the lips before ripping my nightgown and shoving me to my knees. I knew what he wanted. I was no match for this guy: He had at least 100 pounds on me, and a foot taller. This guy was huge and that meant this would be pretty painful more so if I fought him. _

_Finally Britt manages to wake up. This journal thing might actually be working but it can't replace my human security blanket, she's my everything. This isn't the worst dream I've had but the worst since I started keeping a journal. Yeah yeah only two entries isn't much to go on but I only report the ones that had shaken me or Britt had to wake me up. See you next time._

As I read more I found out he was Pappi's brother and she had to kill him when he went after my aunt. I didn't read too throughly as it only made me angry nor did I go to the next journal but this explained a lot about my Mami. Her over protectiveness, the fact that she had to know the parents personally before letting Sadie or me stay over at someone else's house. Why she made Sadie and I take Karate classes. Why she would go to some workout class every Thursday and Mom would go on Tuesdays. Up until now I just thought that they didn't want to find a sitter. Now it was obvious that they were going to the weekly therapy.

I carefully close up the box and slide it under the bed. Memories of instances where I would hear whimpering from their bed room, and light sleepy singing from my Mom. My Mom was something else, I remember times she'd be in a room alone, talking happily to herself. When I was real little I asked and she told me bluntly that she was talking to her imaginary friends like I did with Quackers, my stuffed duck...don't judge I don't even know when I chose that name probably two or Mom chose it thinking it was cute. I never really thought about them further than that.

I knew I probably shouldn't I've already found out things that they probably didn't want me to know. My moms had a dark, dark past and there was more than just would be in these journals. I have already enter territory that could potentially scar me for life but I already decided that I was going to find out more about this.

**AN: I'm going back to the regular stuff after this. It was just stuck in my head and a way to work on getting back to the less heavy stuff. Though I'm probably going to be jumping all over the place, try to follow and I can give you a round about time period by telling you the ages of the kids. **

**I have ideas for the next chapter. If you like to see more characters other than Brittana and the occasional: Faberry, Tike, Klaine. or a more in deph chapter on them just ask and I'll see if I can write it. Thanks again for reading and please review.**


	14. Baby One More Time

AN: We back to normal, time period now. Thanks for reading, and please review.

=Brittany=

"You're leading again! Damn it Britt you're supposed to be the girl." I repress a growl. I don't think when I'm dancing, I'm always the lead with Santana, the tears were building but I tried to hold them back, I didn't want to be babied. I also had to hold back a smart-ass comment that was coming from Goat. 'well sometimes I wonder'.

"You know I don't have to do this. This is out of my comfort zone. I'm trying OK." I say fairly calm.

"I'm sorry." he says crumbling. I sit down to hold his hand. "I usually avoid my dad but since my mom is sick, in order to see her I have to listen to him about how dancing isn't a real job and asking me to dress like a man. Pat is mad at me for not doting on him enough and this class starts next week and we are going to have old people to kids learning for their ninth grade homecoming. Some even for sixth grade 'Sadie Hopkins'. Please don't sic your wife on me." I laugh and hug him.

"I'm not going to sic San on you, just try not to yell at me, it doesn't do any good and if you weren't going through all this stuff, I wouldn't take it so lightly and probably would be the one crying."

"Do you know how to cut back on my dad badgering me for everything."

I tense up this wasn't going to be easy, "Maybe dress a little less fabulous, try laying off the scarfs." I suggest.

"But this is a 'Alexander McQueen ' it's only the highest thing in fashion."

"Ok but your father doesn't think so. He also doesn't think a dancer is an athlete and probably in better shape than any hockey player. Your dads a dumb-ass there's nothing you can do about that" I get him to laugh finally and was satisfied with myself.

"Alright then I'll see you tomorrow. One last practice before we meet our students. Rest up and hug your kids for me." I smile. I liked Sasha he was just really hard to work with. He was a bit controlling and very passionate about dance and usually only did the most serious dancers which if they were still in dance by their teens they were serious. I got the beginner classes for all ages. Some elders wanting to check it off their bucket list. The class was for anyone over 12 that just were starting. He had the serious dancers with big chips on their shoulders and big dreams of dancing careers.

We respected each other for how different our jobs were. I had the kids who weren't serious or were barley potty-trained and a few private lessons mostly from either homophobes who didn't want a very gay man teaching their kid or they had a flamboyant so and hoped I'd turn them straight, or very young kids. The other reason would be someone trusting their little girl is easier with a woman. My oldest non beginner is 9. From there Mike takes over until 15, he also did some more alternative dances.

Sasha had kids who has been dancing so long they think they know better than them. He had to work with the scholarships and even tell some of these kids the reality that they need a back up plan if their dancing doesn't work out, whether they were not good enough or the chances of them hurting themselves to the point where they couldn't dance competitively. I couldn't crush a kids dreams like that even if it was better for them in the long run.

We just clashed all around when it came to dancing.I was just happy that it was over for the most part at least the constant extra rehearsals on top of teaching the adorable three year olds how to do a simple turn. I'm not sure which is harder probably Sasha he's not as cute especially when he yells at me out of frustration, he apologizes immediately after. I knew he had a lot more on his plate than I currently did, even with all my crazy.

I pull up to see the house dark but Santana's car was in the drive so I knew she was home. It was around nine so the kids were probably asleep. I come in to see my wife in her sexy dress with a wine bottle. "What's this, did your cheep boss finally give you the promotion." he had been considering making her his partner after his current partner retires. Currently she was just the supervisor at the company but wasn't paid much less than his partner and has been with them longer.

She just smiles at me, "No he's still cheep. This is more like a bribe and maybe celebration. I was wondering if we could um...have one more baby." She says getting a little quiet near the end.

I just smile. "Are the kids really asleep?"

"I hope so but knowing your parents they are on a sugar high on the third round of Wii 2 Sports with your dad still trying to win." I giggle if they were with my parents she was probably right. "So are you ready to have another baby with me."

I just kiss her putting the wine to the side. "How long have you been planing this." I ask not officially giving her an answer. I was still nervous after the last time, I'm going to have to do even more, because I don't think I can handle another miscarriage, but I did want a baby baby again. To go through the process of carrying baby and buying baby stuff even the potty training. I was heading to the end of childbearing years I had just turned 29, if we wanted one of our own we didn't have many more years.

"Since listening to Quinn and Rachel argue for an hour about names but I've been thinking about it for a while. Please answer."

"Well Sasha will kill me if we don't finish the class, but we can start next month. How about we enjoy the time while our babies are busy beating my father at bowling and hula-looping." I had to catch her as she leaped into my arms. "Look at you your so hot right now and here I am in sweats."

"Then take them off." She says seductively. I flush even after fifteen years she still makes me blush like a school girl.

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**AN**: **My word processor sucks. I proof read it on that and when I up loaded it it had all these errors like my keys stuck. Please Review. I'm already working on the next chapter and it should be up by the end of the weekend.**


	15. Broken Bones and Morning Sickness

**AN: I am so sorry this chapter took so long I have had a lot of it written for a while, but my godson and now my dad have been in the hospital. I'm going to try to get the next chapter up sooner but can't make any promises **

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It's pretty bad when the sound of your wife throwing up when you come home for lunch doesn't surprise you. It had been a long year, a year of doctors appointments, Sadie started school, I got the promotion which meant longer hours, Lucas got into a few fights at school, one was another fight for someone picking on Sadie(I didn't get the whole story), the other the main one was when some boy damned our family with his religious beliefs and though he held back a while it ended with both boys being suspended for a week. Malachi and him got poison ivy really bad. We all got the flu Sadie and I got the worse of it and Brittany wouldn't sleep in another room so she got it. I had another nightmare in front of the kids but didn't go into detail and wrote it off as less than it really was. It had been a long freaking year, and that doesn't even go into anyone else's year.

I pull Brittany's hair back as she was sick for the fifth day in a row. She had pretty much stopped dancing. She helped with chorography and the very very young kids who didn't require her to do much. She was on a crazy diet even if she was the only one eating the food as the kids wouldn't touch it and I didn't much care for it. She didn't like it much either but it was what all the magazines and our doctor said was good for the baby. The 'morning sickness' was even worse than it was with Lucas. The doctor wanted her to put on some weight before we started the treatments but you still could barely tell and she was 2 months along now. I think the reason why she and her doctor were so hard-core on the prenatal care was because taking her off her medication wasn't an option.

I didn't understand why morning sickness was so bad for her our doctor said that some women just have weak stomaches. Quinn didn't get half as sick, last year or now when she was having Blaine's baby who was a little girl and due in June. Rachel was doing better they were back in NY and she was an assistant director to a new show even if she had to take an anxiety/anti-depressant. Quinn says it's been helping. Their son Jameson(Jimmy) was walking now and the twins fought over him a lot but they fought over everything.

"You going to be OK?" I ask but she doesn't answer but throws up again. "I'm going to call my mom to stay with you I'm not going to be able to get out of work today." Her parents were in Germany again that way they'd be here come October when baby was due. The kids were both in school and had about three activities each. Sadie had lots of dance and karate. Lucas had karate, his sports(what ever was currently in season, right now it's basketball) and after school tutoring. He wasn't dumb just needed help with math. I suck at explaining things without us both getting mad and Brittany was terrible at it too and with him now in the second grade he was starting to do the math she hadn't used in years.

Brittany still didn't know why they called it morning sickness, here I am on my lunch break at one and she's sicker than she was when I left. "How long have you been sick honey."

She sits up and wipes her face. "Sasha drove me home around ten and Mike agreed to cover my classes. I am officially on maternity half time." I start to braid her hair back as the quick tie I did was already coming undone.

"Well I have about an hour before I have to come back to work. Do you feel like eating?"

"Maybe a little. I don't think any of my breakfast got to Baby." I smile since we didn't know the sex or pick out the names she called it Baby as 'it' didn't seem nice and I'll have to agree. I start making me a smart-one TV dinner while she eats a banana. I was just happy she was able to eat after heaving for serval hours. "I think I like the name Charles." She said with a mouthful of mush.

"What if Baby's a she?"

"Charlotte then, either way I want to call her or him Charlie." I smile she was already in a better mood. My phone rang, "Hello." I say it was a local number but I didn't recognize it.

"Yes is this Santana Lopez?"

"Yes, who is this."

"Let me just say she's ok but we're going to need a parent to meet us at Lincoln Memorial as soon as you can." I agree but was having trouble holding it together.

I quickly dialed my work. "Yes I'm going to need the rest of the day off, my kid's in the hospital. Yes I know, Thank you." I click it off, gosh my boss is an ass. Yes I knew I have taken a lot of sick days, it happens when your wife is pregnant and you have two kids under nine. Brittany was looking at me scared, "She's okay lets go." I head out the door forgetting all about my dinner.

"What's going on?" she says climbing into the car.

"Sadie's hurt herself somehow, they only told me she was okay." She didn't ask any more questions until we got to the hospital. I just hope they don't ask the question I hate. 'So which one of you is Mom...' God, do I hate that question. The last time I got it was when Sadie got her shots before going into Kindergarten, it took all I could not to curse at him and I probably would have if Brittany wasn't giving me warning glares and holding our five year old.

We walk up to the desk and they tell us her exam room. I was really worried as they didn't tell us anything. Brittany lightly knocked on the door. "Mama, Mami!" She said smiling almost hopping off the table but I could tell she still was on the verge of tears. The nurse nods and walks out of the room and another doctor walks in.

"You must be her moms." He said, I smiled happy I wouldn't have to blow up at him. Brittany was sitting on the table with her holding her hand the one that wasn't in a sling. "She has a nasty greenstick fracture but should be ok." I look over at my five year old daughter who was talking to Brittany most likely about how she broke her arm. "Her teacher said she fell from the monkey bars. I don't know of any other details. She was a little trooper but now that you're here I need to know if we can give her any medicine for pain relieve. I'm going to set the bone then we can put a cast on." Another two hours and I'm carrying our sleeping daughter with her arm in a pink cast resting in a sling. The drugs they gave her for the pain had completely knocked her out. . I had my mom take Brittany back home mostly because she was feeling sick again. It was nearly four so I picked up Lucas on the way home

"Mami, they wouldn't let me go with her." I smile he was very protective of his little sister. "So why isn't Mama picking me up she's not ralphing again is she." I give a weak smile to him. "Eww. Can't wait till my brother gets here."

"How do you know it's going to be a boy?" I laugh.

"Men's intuition." he smirks.

"You're seven, I'm not ready to think of you grown." he hops out of the car leaving his backpack. Lucas your forgetting something." He groans and does a u turn. I carefully get her out of the car seat. She wakes up enough to wrap her good arm around my neck. I gentlly care her to her room and change her into her pjs. Then I smell smoke.

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**Please Review :)**


	16. Chapter 16

=Santana=

I step in the kitchen and just smiled. There she was at the stove trying to cook not her greatest talent, but I could tell what it was she didn't de-thaw the meat enough but I couldn't denie that she was cute in trying to cook.

"Since I was feeling better, I thought that she might like her favorite."

"The doctor gave her a sprite and some goldfish but that's really sweet. Do you want me to take over though." I knew she felt bad for leaving but I still was the better cook.

She moved out of my way, "So how is she."

"The meds they gave her have knocked her out. Do you know how she fell." I asked hoping that it was just an accident even-though I knew she was just showing off.

"She was trying to do a flip she wasn't ready to do without the mats, I'm just thankful she didn't break her neck."

"I wasn't going to be hard her, I was just wondering if you knew because all got out of her is she over shot a flip. I wonder where she got the idea she should try."

"She probably was showing off to her friends and a little cocky." I smile it happens when you moms a dance coach but I was hard headed and both the kids picked that up. Lucas got his short temper from me which caused us more problems. "I'm going to go get her up so she'll sleep tonight and eat something other than goldfish. I know you must be starving too." To be honest I completely forgotten I have only had a bagel this morning and a cracker I stole from Sadie. "Lucas is swearing you're going to have a boy."

"He wants a little brother...makes since he wants to show him the ropes and have someone to help him practice other than Addison and he and Malachi are on the same level and so competitive." I smile I wouldn't be surprised if he started dating Mike and Tina's tomboy daughter but don't you dare call her a girl or say she can't play with the guys. Lucas is a little lost on how to treat her as she is a girl and won't hesitate rough housing with the guys. We taught him to be gentle with his sister and Addie isn't much bigger then her, so he didn't know what to do.

"I think he's just anxious and excited. How are you feeling." I ask noticing her stretching in ways that still make me blush.

"Better a little sore but I have to stay limber if I want to continue dancing. Don't worry it's all doctor approved." she said lifting her damaged leg backward to her head. Damn was she flexible. She let it go and headed to get our daughter.

"Can you make sure Lucas is doing his home work?" She nods and heads out of the room.

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AN: This chapter was short but I feel bad for leaving you on a cliffhanger and don't know a good way to transition time within this chapter. Please review.


	17. Goodnight

=Brittany=

It breaks my heart when I had to tell Sadie she couldn't do her gymnastics or aerial dancing for three weeks. "Can't I dance and just not to the flips."

"Baby you can still dance but you are going to have to take it easy for a few weeks." I say stretching her legs so she flexible when she goes back to the aerial dancing. "Your still not old enough to compete with the big kids so don't worry about it. I broke my leg real bad when I was a teenager. I still dance and I was out for nearly a year." I hold my sobbing daughter.

After awhile she said, "Did you miss up a flip too?" I gulp, I walked right in to that didn't I?

"I fell out of a tree." I get her to laugh but I hoped she wouldn't ask further and she didn't.

"Why doesn't Mami dance unless it's with you, or Buba who doesn't dance at all."

"Because she doesn't have the passion for it like you and I but appreciates it. Your brother however is just too much of a boy. He admits that dancers are athletes at least, unlike a lot of boys." She was falling asleep so I switch the lamp off and turn on the Christmas lights.

"How's my little princess." I hear my wife coo behind me. "I finally got Lucas to take a shower." I laugh he was going though that phase, you know, 'what's the point in showering if I'm just going to get dirty tomorrow.'

"She's nearly asleep, you better say goodnight before she's out." I pat her shoulder on my way to finish the dishes and move over the clothes to the dryer between us and the kids we have to do a few loads a week just to keep up and Malikai's clothes always end up over here, the only reason I could tell them apart was he was a little smaller than Lucas. Friday-Sunday they are inseparable I'm sure he has some clothes over there even-though they're usually over here because of Malikai's older siblings.

"Lucas now!" I hear my wife say from the other room. I was spraying his shorts that were originally kaki but more green now with grass stains. I laugh as hear a groan from my little boy stomping to brush his teeth. I giggle as I feel her arms snake around me. "He's clean and teeth have been brushed. He wants you to read him a story." Awww, my little boy is still my little boy. "I'll finish up." She pecks me on the cheek as I turn to tuck my seven year old in. I knew these days were numbered. A chapter of 'Wizard of Oz' later he was nearly asleep I tuck him in and kiss his cheek. He mumbles a goodnight to his baby 'brother' and rolls over.

I was tired, really tired. "Gosh it has been a long day" San says crawling in bed with me wearing a T-shirt and sleeping shorts. "I'm just glad she's okay."

"Me too." I say kissing her hands. "Goodnight babe."

_I'm watching a classroom looks like an art class: Four large square tables with two seats on each side. I see the teacher he looks handsome for a guy and about our age. He's walking around praising the kids drawings. I see Sadie at the table furthest from the door. He pats her on the shoulder and kneels to her level. He says something that I cannot decipher. When the bell rings she takes her time getting up, until the rest of her class has filed out with the homeroom teacher. He then casually walks her to the supply room. I could feel my anxiety rising. I try to follow but can't move from my spot. He shuts the door behind him and I hear a scream that was quickly cut off. _

"Brittany. Come on, Britt-Britt." I feel her kissing the back of my neck. I sit up shaking. Was this how she felt every time she had a nightmare that wasn't a flashback. I found it hard to breath. "Brittany, it's okay. It's okay.. ." She said holding me and I start bawling into her chest. I couldn't stop crying. "Breath, baby." I felt my lungs catching up to me and I managed to stabilize my breathing. "You want to talk about it?"

"How do you handle having these dreams. Dreams of some random person hurting one of the kids?" I say through sobs still shaking. "It was Sadie's art teacher."

She brushes my hair back, "It's okay it was just a dream. We know all of the teachers at the school that are near our kids. Will you feel better if we go and check on the babies?" I nod. I knew that they'd still be nuzzled in their beds and they were. Lucas' duck had fallen to the floor I pick it up and put him back under his arm. Sadie had kicked off most of her covers; I re-tuck her in. "Feel better?" She asks snuggling in beside me.

"Yeah, how do you deal with these dreams all the time?" I ask holding her arms.

"Lots of practice." she says kissing me before rolling over. "Goodnight Britt." I bury my face into her hair, quickly falling back to sleep, trying to put the creepy art teacher out of mind.

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**AN: So sorry this took so long with my godsons B-day soon, wrecking my car and my dad being in the hospital going on two weeks, I just haven't felt like writing much. I have veg ideas but they're not yet formed well enough to make a chapter so I don't know when the next update will be. Please, please, review and tell me where you think I should go if you want. Thanks again for reading :)**


	18. Cookies

=Santana=

We made it to seven months. After the tenth week, we celebrated. The pregnancy was still rough: She was moody, had nightmares varying as dark as mine can get, to me getting hit by a truck, to just falling into endless black hole, to her normal horrible nightmares of killing her family. She had trouble holding anything down until the end of the first trimester. Lucas was right that she was having a boy but we weren't about to tell him that.

One good thing that came other than the excitement of buying baby stuff was the sex which really stinks when I have to work the next day. Then we have Sadie who is afraid of thunderstorms and it stormed for two weeks straight and we have a kindergardener cuddled between us. So most of the time we were left just frustrated.

"You always get the wrong kind..." she pouts. Here it is eleven o'clock at night and she wants a special kind of cookies. I don't know I was asleep and then she started shaking me saying that she wanted cookies.

"I'll send you a picture before I buy them if I don't, I'll keep trying but we can't leave the kids alone and both have to be up early, okay?" she nodds and I gave her a kiss. "I love you and if you get lonely just call me." Everyone says I'm whipped with this pregnancy they don't know that I'm been whipped since I looked in to those blue eyes that first day at LIMH and the kids have me around their fingers too.

I still have Sasha scared shitless. Ever since he made Brittany cry two years ago, he's been walking on eggshells with me and being really nice to her. That day however, the kids were with my parents and he and his boyfriend were throwing a party I had a few drinks Britt was the decidnated driver mostly because I didn't want her to loose her clothes like she did last time we went to one of his parties, which he throws all the time but we don't go to but once or twice a year. Anyway he said something about her not knowing a Mustang wasn't a 'smelly horse' or and old car when he was talking about the cologne. I don't know, I just remember her coming up to me crying that she wanted to go home. When she told me Sasha was the one that made her cry I attacked him leaving angry claw marks on his perfectly moisturized face.

I grab my coat and make sure my taser is in it's pocket. Damn it's cold. Charlie was going to be here in March just in time for Easter my mother already bought a newborn sized duck outfit. I'm so stressed out it has Mandy and my parents worried. I haven't told anyone else because Brittany doesn't need the stress especially since we are probably going to have complications anyway. Other than baby stuff work has been hell. It seems like making partner just means I got to deal with more BS paper work, interviewing and training new employees. Making sure Sean's secretary is doing their job right. Then there are the constant whispers varying from how I got the promotion to my parenting skills to me being a 'waste of ass'. I just needed to hang in there for awhile we got excellent insurance and they actually considered Brittany a spouse AND supported the fertility treatments, our therapy and medication. The Dance studio isn't big enough to have insurance and with the kids track record for hurting themselves we needed that insurance.

The store where I needed to get these very specific cookies was at least 30 miles away in the city. I knew exactly where it was as it was down the street from the building where I worked. We had one a few blocks away from home but they close at ten. The roads where pretty quiet for a Thursday night so I didn't really mind. I just blasted the AC and had the radio on. I had just gotten off the highway and was at a red light. When it turned green I slowly eased through the intersection, then I heard screeching of car breaks.

xxxxxxxx

"_Guess who" I hear a bouncy voice of my girlfriend as hands cover my eyes._

"_I don't know is it Lord Tubbington?" I giggle turning around. I am taken by surprise to see Brittney holding one of those cheesy Valentine dogs that said 'I love you' I kiss her. "Thank you baby. He's adorable" I hug him, shutting my locker. "You want to come with me to put him in my car before the first bell rings?" I say . She nods happily reaching to hold my hand as we left the school. _

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The first thing I notice is a throbbing pain in my forehead. Then I remember the crash. The airbag must of knocked me out cause a hear faint sirens as I feel blood trickling down my face. I'm sitting in a bunch of glass and the car is wrapped around a light pole. I have a brief moment of panic before realizing that I didn't have Brittany or the kids with me.

"Mam, Mam was there anybody else in the car with you." I manage to shake my head not sure if the person taking to me is a police man, the guy who hit me, or a 'Good Samaritan'. "Were there children with you?" Why was this guy yelling at me?

"No they're at home." I manage to say but ended up stuttering and slurring. I tried to undo my seat belt but couldn't move my right arm.

"Stay where you are I've called an ambulance they should be here soon..." My vision still hadn't cleared. Damn if I wasn't so lost in my own head I wouldn't be here I would have waited my three seconds for the idiot who floors it when they see yellow almost a block away and I would be at the health food store looking for those damn dark chocolate cookies.

"So are you the kid that hit me." I ask trying not to sound angry. I was still just relieved that I didn't have Britt or the kids with me.

"No I was behind the guy who hit you. My wife is talking to him, just a high school boy who was trying to make it home before curfew." My vision finally starts to focus. The man was about Mr. Shue's age though I couldn't tell his ethnicity just that he was very dark. "So tell me about your kids he asked.

"Lucas is seven and Sadie is five." I say trying not to fall asleep, I knew that was what he was trying to do, keep me calm and alert.

"So what you doing out tonight."

"My uh expecting wife wanted these cookies and the only store that sells them in Ankey closed at eleven so I was going to the 24 hour one here."

"I'm hope you're not seriously hurt, here's the paramedic."

"Miss I'm going to need to put this collar on you we're going to go ahead and take you to the hospital. Is there anyone we need to call for you. Mam?" I couldn't form the words. Everything seemed bright flashing. Then I started to vomit before I blacked out.

ooooooo

"_Pretty little Tana, you're getting prettier every day. You behave better than your sister don't you think." He starts kissing me and rubbing his ands along my preteen body. "What do you think we can do with her. She doesn't have the training you do. You are so obedient and keep our secrets." He removes my coat with my school emblem." I just stand there droning out. A hard slap to the mouth brings me back. "Answer me when I talk you fucking whore." I feel the tears building. He grabs me harshly by the upper arm and drags me to the laundry room which doubled as a small apartment._

_He kisses me hard on the lips and tells me to put on one of his T-shirts before leaving locking the door behind him. I start franticly looking for a place to hide if only to prolong the next three hours of toucher. I try to climb up to the rafters but only make a banging noise before falling to the ground. He is halfway down the stairs by the time I get back up to my feet. He slaps me again right as he continues undressing me. I do the next thing I could think to do become stiff board like. My sister was with the neighbors. "Is she ready man" A man in his late teens early twenties, says waking down the stairs. _

"_Have fun enjoy your birthday present, son." _

_The boy walks up to me and starts stroking my shoulders. He kneels down to my level. "I want you to participate not go somewhere in a fairy-tale like last time." I manage to nod trying not to start crying as I stroked his bare chest. He picks me up telling me to wrap my legs around him, and kiss his neck. I try to relax as he starts stroking my folds._

ooooooooooooooooo

"Mam! We're going to need you to hold still. We're almost to the hospital." I breath but it gets caught in my throat. "Breath" he says putting the mask over my face. "You were a car accident."

I was still having trouble breathing. "Is Brittany and the kids OK." I ask trying to sit up but was strapped to a stretcher.

"You told the witness they were at home. We called Brittany and she's going to meet you at the hospital. Try to stay still and take deep breaths. We're almost there." I tried to stay as calm as possible. It was a weird feeling of extreme anxiety and getting the dizzy high the oxygen was giving me.

"Is the kid that hit me alright." I ask calmer than I've been since the crash. I was worried about the boy now. I knew that Lucas could very well make the same mistake ten years from now. It was an honest mistake.

"He's going to be ok just sprang his wrist. He feels really bad and would like to say he's sorry in person soon."

"Good" I breath before resting again feeling very exhasted from the last hour. To think that this morning I was stressing about a new employee whispering that he would like fix me to his buddy.

8888888888888888888

AN: Sorry for the such long wait still dealing with personal issues along with writers block. So I won't leave you on a cliffhanger. Santana is going to be alright and recover for the most part. I have a few more ideas for chapters but none on endings so I don't know if I will ever finish this. Please Review :)


	19. The Aftermath

=Brittany=

I was almost asleep again when my phone rang. I answer without thinking. "Baby if you can't find them just come on home, I can deal without till morning."

"Is this Brittany Lopez-Pierce."

"yeah who's this?"

"This is Officer Witmen. I'm with the Des Moines police department. There's been an accident." I

didn't hear the rest, I got the name of the hospital then I called her parents.

"What is it Brittany, it's one in the morning." I stop crying long enough to tell her what I knew then I called my parents so someone can stay with the kids while I hitch a ride with the in laws as I'm not supposed to drive for the rest of the pregnancy.

When we finally made it to the hospital. Her dad helps me out of their huge Equinox and I run to through the ER demanding too see her. They tell me to calm down even her parents do as they lead me to her room. They tell me she should be back from x-ray soon. I sit down trying to breath as Mami rubs my shoulders. "If they have her in x-ray she isn't critical. Mija you need to relax for the baby." Her accent was as thick as my dads a just shut my eyes trying to stop the tears.

I'm not sure where her dad was. Now in hindsight I'm pretty sure he was talking to the police and doctors so I didn't have I then hear her screaming. I knew that scream but it was different as if she couldn't get a good breath. I hear Mami scold me as I ran out of the room. "No, no, no, no" I shush her smoothing her matted hair back. She quiets.

"That's the second time she's done that the other was on the way over here." The paramedic says.

"She has them when she's expericing heightened anxiety." They didn't need to know anything about her past. Her right arm was broken in three places. She had two broken ribs one of which punctured her lung. She had a grade three concussion and 12 stitches when they said she was lucky her father and I both went off on them.

It wasn't until the next morning when I saw our battered Honda, that I saw just how lucky she was. The towing guy said had here been anyone else in the car particually the passenger side which was very caved in and almost non existent, they probably would have been killed. The officer said that had there been anyone sitting on that side she would have been killed. Sadies carseat badly cracked . If Papi wasn't behind me I would have fell to my knees. She couldn't see this not with her anxiety. Lucas was already mad that he still had to have a high back booster and Sadie was still in a five point harness. I was already short of breath when I saw the Dodge Ram that it her. I wake up with a cold paper towel on my forehead in the passenger seat of my in-laws car. "You Ok? Is he OK" Papi asks I just nod. I could have sworn that I saw that truck last week in that dream. "I've gathered all the things her coat and tazer along with the other stuff. You ready to head back?"

"Yeah but can we pick up something to eat first. Charlie's hungry." I say still feeling dizzy. When we get back to the hospital I see the most adorable sight. Santana is sitting up in her hospital gown with both of our kids sleeping with her. Lucas is tucked to her left side and Sadie is stretched over the foot of the bed. She looked like she was nodding off but woke up when I came back in.

"Hows the car?" She whispered blinking away the sleep.

"Totaled." I say she didn't need to know that the likelyhood of anyone on the passenger side surviving the accident was very slim or that I fainted again. "How are you feeling?" I ask sitting in the recliner that was previously occupied by her mother who gave it up for me.

"Shitty...sorry" I smile I didn't like her cursing in front of the children. "I feel so stupid. I don't remember much but I should have been paying better attention."

"Baby, stop." I say getting up to move some hair out of her face. "The truck that hit you was going nearly fifty miles an hour. I'm just happy your alive and going to recover for the most part. If anyone should be sorry it's me?" She shoots me a look that said I better not start to blame myself. Luckily a knock on the door got my mind away from the blame game.

"Ms. Lopez?" a young boy with long brown hair pulled back in a braid. He had obvious Native American fetures though was still mixed. He was tall and burley, he was wearing Kacki shorts and a green polo shirt. His left wrist was in a maroon cast that already had doodles on it. In the other hand was a boutique of yellow flowers. "Is this a bad time, I just came by to say how sorry I am."

"Not at all sweetheart." I say after Santana gives me a nod.

"Are you her sister, friend?" I smile at the ackward introduction.

"I'm her wife, Brittany" The boy starts to cry saying he was sorry. I hug him close saying it was ok. "I know you didn't mean to fly through that redlight and luckily no one was hurt any worse." I'm thankful my shoulder muffles what had came next.

"If those babies were in the car I would never forgive myself." I shush him.

"So what's you name kiddo." Santana asks smiling. Lucas had woken up and just looked confused at the new face in the room.

"Shilah. How about you little man?" he asks looking at Lucas who still looked confused.

"Lucas...Do you like baseball?" He asked that was his favorite sport and currently was in a phase that he wouldn't take his ball cap off unless he was in school.

"Sure who doesn't? I play catcher for my high school team. Is there anyway I can make it up to you Ms Lopez?"

"Santana. Maybe you can play some catch with him or maybe tudor him if you can. Where are you from anyway?"

"Ankey, I can do that. I'm very sorry."

"Don't worry about it Shilah you've only been driving what a year?"

"Six months not counting my perment."

"You'll get better." We exchange phone numbers and small talk and agree to meet at a local park when we get settled. I give the kid one more hug and wished him well. I look down at Sadie who's still out.

"She can sleep through an earthquake can't she." I say and the three of us bust into laughter.

* * *

**AN: Thanks for reading and don't forget to review :)**


	20. Explainaations

**Another weird chapter takes place a few weeks after Lucas found the journals. I've had a lot of this chapter written before I dropped my laptop and the battery fell out (computers fine it just ate the chapter). **

=Lucas=

Ever since I found those journals I've been having trouble getting the courage and being able to go through confronting them on it. I remember when Sadie and I were little she had a really bad nightmare and it scared both of us. She told us vegly that her babysitter hurt her. I haven't thought that much about it until I found those journals. He didn't just hurt her he raped her not just once but many times. I don't know for how long or how he kept her so quiet about it. I don't know how a grown man can do such things to a eight year old.

It was a scream that woke me up. It didn't last and the house was silent once again I got up to check on them. I had a feeling it was nothing to worry about though. "Shhh, it's ok breath. This was a pretty bad one huh. You were do for one, I mean you haven't had one in over a month." I hear my mom say softly. I hear my Mami sobbing and Mom starts to hum a tune to a song she made up when I was little. The sobbing stifles.

Now is a better time than any. Sadie and Charlie were staying with Opa and Oma (German word for grandpa and grandma) for the weekend. Sadie was building a bird house with Opa and Oma was teaching Charlie how to make her berry pie. I had practices and games all weekend. Today would be a good day to try again. Even-though it's late I finally got my stuff together, I raise my hand to the door to knock. I try to knock but I knew it was a bad time. They were both here and my little brother and sister weren't. They are too little and innocent to understand why Mami is so afraid of a ghost.

"Mama, can I come in. I need to talk to you guys about something."

"One moment." Mom says. I hear russling and my Mami whimper. "Ok come in baby." I see my Mami with blood shot eyes holding on to my mother tightly the shirt she was wearing was inside out and she had on my moms little dancing shorts. My mom however seemed very serious in a large t shirt and pj bottoms, which was very unnerving considering her normal carefree nature. "We've been meaning to talk to you too we just can't talk to your brother or sister yet. First tell us what you wanted to talk about."

I took a deep breath and hoped I wouldn't get in trouble for snooping though their things. Rethinking it I'm lucky I didn't find things I didn't want to think about my moms doing. "I was looking for some Ibprohan the other day and I saw your prescriptions. I also found the dream journals." My Mami buries her face into my Moms shoulder crying softly.

"We've been meaning to talk to you about that. We don't want you to be startled if one of us have a break down, so tell us what all you know and we will fill in the blanks and answer whatever questions."

I am still surprised that my mom was taking charge when Mami usually is more forward and mature. However the way she is now reminds me of Charlie when he wasn't invited to a slumber party because he's a boy, he cried for hours on how he doesn't fit in anywhere because he's so flamboyant but is atomically a boy. He was wishing he was a girl. I knew he was sobbing though, I'm sure she had a nightmare.

An hour later I'm tossing a base ball in the air wondering what had gone wrong. Mom heard voices and saw things that would tell her to kill or follow an imaginary cat. I didn't know what to make of Mami. Both my parents and most of their friends were in a mental insitution instead of high school. I step out of my room and hear talking outside their bedroom.

"I don't know if we should have told him, I don't think he was ready." My Mami says.

"Would you rather him kick in our door when you have a nightmare and hit the first figure he sees with a bat?" Mom says.

"I guess your right. I feel so damaged and worthless, he probably thinks so too.."

"Don't start that you and I both know your priceless, the kids know that too. Don't let him get in your head like that." I then hear a giggle and continue to the kitchen before I hear the equally as scaring sounds of my parent's lovemaking (I assume). I don't understand why Carson and Stan think it's hot. Sure both my parents are attractive for women in their late thirties but they were still my moms. I stopped inviting Stan sleep over because he turns into such a peeping Tom. Makes me want to punch him out. I knew it was normal hell I probably would be guilty of it if the roles were reversed but it's still irritating.

I had often wondered why my Mami didn't give birth to either of us when Mama had so many issues. Charlie and I both were rough pregnancies, I was premature, Charlie had breathing issues and Mom lost a ton of blood both were in the hospital for almost a week. She was there longer. When I was little I used to think it was because Mami was more of the 'dad' but as I got older I stopped labeling them. Now I knew it was because of that past that she can't. I didn't know that Mom had a miscarriage about half a year before they adopted Sadie. I remember briefly staying with my grandparents for a couple weeks. I just thought it was just because they wanted 'grown up' time what ever I thought it was at the time. I can go on forever with the signs and incidents that tells me this isn't a joke, that I'm not dreaming or making something out of things that aren't there. I knew there were bad people out there. I knew that my mothers have taken many defense classes, that they both carried tasers they even taught the three of us how to use them. I just didn't know that it had already happened to them. I don't know if I'd rather not have known but I can't forget it now.

**AN: Review and tell me what you would like to see and when cause I'm scattered brained. Like I said before this story has no end... Now I haven't updated much because I finally got my computer updated so I've been playing the Sims 3(Brittany is going to get her very own unicorn. and with cheats she and Santana can have children without having to adopt...I'm just having too much fun with it.) I have ideas some developed, some just an idea, some have been scratched but might comeback if I can make it work(example of an scratched idea is Sadie having an eating disorder around 13) If you can read the hint to the most thought out idea, it's in this chapter. **


	21. Nightmares Never Go Away

=Santana=

It has to be one of the weirdest nightmares I've had in awhile. At least the most graphic and odd. I haven't had the night terror before nor one this strange. It was the first one that included Sasha. I still didn't know what to make of it. It's not like it was very different it ended the same as all the ones that include Brittany, but it felt like one of the ones that would stick with me for a few days or weeks.

"_I think she's waking up. Hey, Hey are you back with us." I was covered with a large coat. I blink away the daze to see a thin man in a camo suit and a neckerchief. I was pretty sure he's flaming gay. I wondered what a flaming gay would be doing paying for a hooker. "Are you alright?" _

"_I don't know. Have you paid Carlos?" I ask sitting up ready to do what he asked because if he didn't pay or I refused, he'd beat me again. I notice that I'm in the back of a van and a blond figure is driving. A larger figure in the passenger seat eating something._

"_Paid, no. We found you in an ally after the ugly tacky dressed man left you, just laying there in that alleyway. You have some scary bruises on you. We've been driving around town wondering if you wanted a way out. He's obviously not good to you. How are you feeling?" He asks handing me a water bottle out of a small cooler between the front two seats._

"_Scared...I would love for a way out but he'd kill you if you don't take me back now." I say straighting my dress(if you could call it that a bath towel would cover more). _

"_I don't think we can let you do that. We can protect you. We've been watching over Britt-Britt here for the last two years while looking for her parents." The man in the passenger seat said crawling back here. He was a larger man but not heavy like many of the rich men I had to 'do' regardless of how gross they were. "But if you insist or love him we could drop you back off." I look at both the guys hoping I wouldn't get them killed._

"_Okay...how bad is it that I'm willing to take a chance on strangers to get away from Carlos."_

"_So what do we call you...I'm Sasha, this is Pat. Brittany is driving." The camo guy said with a joking tone. _

"_Hi, I would come back there but I'm kind of driving." A bouncy female's voice flowed from the front._

"_Santana. Do you guys have any extra clothes I don't care if they fit. I just want to get out of these." I felt odd asking them but if I was going to try to run away I needed fresh clothes preferably one's that covered me more than a swimsuit. _

"_Of course. Brittany, I'm going to find some of your clothes for our new friend." Pat says to the front seat. Brittany gives a thumbs up okay with out looking back. _

"_Here they're probably going to be a bit long but at least you'll be more comftable." Sasha says handing me a pair of jeans a blue tshirt and a gray hoodie with rainbows all over it. "Don't worry we'll turn away." I had to laugh at that as I'm almost positive they were gay and It wasn't like I hadn't been used to changing if front of strangers, when Carlos sales me to everyone. We were quiet for awhile Sasha had fallen asleep and Pat took over as the driver._

"_So how did you end up here, working the streets I mean?" Brittany asks awkwardly. She was a stunning blond with crystal eyes you could get lost in. I found my self blushing as I noticed her long toned legs._

"_My uncle is a sick fuck."_

"_He's your UNCLE?!" Brittany said looking appalled that a relative could hurt me much less pimp me out the way he has, and she didn't even know the half of it. _

_Yeah messed up isn't it? There's not much more to it he doesn't care if your eight or fifty if he wants you he'll have you and if he really likes you he will keep you. He became my 'guardian' when I was seven, but he had abused me before that ever since then I've been his whore. What about you? How did you loose your parents, and end up traveling with these two?"_

"_I don't remember much. About three years ago they found me wondering around the capital in my pajamas. I don't know how I got there or how I lost my parents, or if I even had them. All I remember following a tabby cat. He looked hungry so I was going to bring him some tuna. Then I got lost." _

"_What about them?" I ask fascinated with my new friends. It felt like I was finally making a connection with someone. A connection that wasn't aggressive nor sexual. _

"_Neither of their parents excepted them as a couple and disowned them they ran away to be together. It's really quite romantic." I agreed "You want some Oreros?" she offered me the cookies. _

"_So you haven't found any missing pictures for you?" I ask wondering how a pretty girl with a dream family, could not have someone looking for her._

"_Nope, I do not exist. Besides since I was fourteen when I went missing they would have classified me as a runaway. I don't even know my last name, or if Brittany is even my real name. Now we are wanted for hot checks and shoplifting so we have been city hopping. The police aren't really our friends." We were quiet for a long while after that. She started to fall asleep and I secretly wanted her to lean on me._

"_How would you feel about a haircut." Sasha says looking at me in the reaview mirror. "It'll be harder for this asshole or his buddies to recognize you if we change up your look. Don't worry Pat's an expert at styling hair." I nodded as Brittany lays into my lap. I nod off to dream of my new runaway life, with two gay guys and a beautiful innocent blonde. _

_The next few days were some of the best since my early childhood. I loved the new choppy hair cut, eating real food. Just the kindness of these people made me feel like I was dreaming. _

_Any moment now he'd yank me out of the bed, it would be around four in the afternoon. He'd tell me to shower and fix my hair, while he called up clients who wanted me. He'd pick out the slutty outfit and make sure it fit me a little too tight. At sunset we'll head to whoever paid for me, sometimes with Lilly and Natasha. Lilly was a willing whore who did so to support her drug habit, which he got me addicted too as well. Natasha was in her late twenties but she was more Marc his partner's. I don't know why but Carlos always liked them young VERY young. I'm only seventeen but I dreamed of the day that I'm too old for his taste. I knew however I was an exception, I was too young for him at four and I won't be too old for him until he dies or kills me. The best thing I had to look forward to was if I had the chance to get shit-faced or stoned, if only to numb the constant feeling of worthlessness that gloomed over me at all the time. _

_Just the taught that that was my 'old' life as Patrick put it, made me feel like I was on the highest of highs. I just never wanted it to end. Patrick is driving around and decided to park for the night. Nuzzling my face into her neck, I fall asleep contently in Brittany's arms._

_xxxxx_

_I wake up to gun fire. Before I could register what was going on I heard another gun shot. By now I'm alert Sasha and Pat lay blood gushing from the shots wounds to their heads. "So you thought you could run from me Tana. All you have done is gotten me a new whore, got two faggots killed and chopped off your hair. Get over her you fucking bitch!" Brittany is clinging to my back crying. I'm paralyzed. I hear the other side door open and Brittany scream as Marc grabs her Carlos roughly pulls me out of the van and places a cloth over my mouth, my body goes heavy and vision pales before I lost consciousness all together._

"_What made you think you could get away from us! Huh, Tana!?" He yells the moment I open my eyes. He hits me across the face. "At least Blondie is good untamed but good. Don't worry I've gotten the pleasure of de-flowering her." His smirk told me he wasn't at all kind like he was with me, but that was only because I was barely potty trained if I was older he would have been a lot rougher. "Did you not know about the chip? Did you think I was stupid enough to let you have freedoms but not have any insurance?!" As the remains of the drug leaves my system, I remember the events of the past days and start to cry. I hear muffled screaming from the next room and can't help but feel extreme guilt. _

"_Come on get up." He says pulling to my feet. He cuffs me to a pull-up bar facing the opposite direction in front of the very large mirror. Only my toes are touching the floor. I waited for the swing of a belt or what ever he was going to use to beat me. "I'm going to make sure everyone knows you belong to me. That I OWN you." With that I see a flicker of his lighter. Now I'm expecting to be burned. It wouldn't be the first time, but I feel a needle go into my left shoulder as he carves into my back while wiping the blood away with a cold washcloth. It was fairly deep. "Here I'll save you the stress of wondering." He then holds a mirror to show a bloody emblem. __**Carlos's Whores **__in a circle and a number one under it. He then preceeded to rape me. I try to drown out the screams from Brittany in the next room. After he's done, Brian would soon come in to beat the living shit out of me. Fucking sadist._

I'm here, it's alright." Brittany coos into my ear. Holding my shaking body. "Gosh you're burning up." She said but I was freezing. Here I am a big mess and depending on my wife who's two weeks from giving birth. I feel so selfish but I can't ignore the feeling of his name carved into my back. I listen to his heartbeat and try to catch my breath as she holds me in her lap. She was on bed rest now. Ever since she fainted at the mall.

ooooooooooooooooo

_We had separated with brown paper bags. I took Sadie and she took Lucas. We figured this way was the best for us to collect Christmas presents for each-other (We had already got the 'Santa' stuff). "Do you think Buba would like another ball cap?" Sadie asks when we walk into 'Lids' "What's his favorite team?"_

_I never got to answer as my phone was vibrating. I see Brittany's picture. "We're almost done.." I start to say but the panicked voice of my little boy halts me. _

"_Mami...Mama collapsed we're next to the Sears and Footlocker. I don't know what to do." _

"_It's alright Mijo,We'll be there as soon as we can" I quickly say grabbing Sadie's hand with one and the one shopping bag with my damaged arm. She had fainted before at the dance studio around the 25th week because of a sudden drop in blood sugar. Mike had called me saying one of kids ran to get help while the oldest who was only six, kept the other kids away from her. It was a scare more or less and the doctor assured us that it wasn't unusual and that she and the baby would be fine but to eat more often. _

_As I came up to the Footlocker I see a small crowd. "But isn't this you mommy. Maybe you mean your daddy." a woman says putting her hand on his shoulder. I ignore my gut reaction of over protectiveness. How dare she touch him but I knew I would probably do the same thing if a little boy was crying hysterically in-front of his fainted mother. It would be a normal response of any woman with maternal instincts _

"_I called Mami this is Mama. I don't have a dad." I would have smiled at my hotheaded son if the situation was different. I push my way through. "Here she is. The doctor is on his way. I called him like you told me too." _

"_What's going on." Brittany asks rubbing her head. _

"_You fainted again. Stay put the doctors will be here soon."_

I must have gone into a state that I often feel after a really bad nightmare. Where everything sounds like I'm under water, my vision is blurred and I can barely feel Brittany stroking my hair. "Sean yeah this is Brittany. Santana is really sick and can't come in today. Yeah I know it's short notice but she's burning up and has the chills and overall isn't that responsive. I was wondering if she could take some time off. Okay thank you so much." she hang up only to dial another number. "Mama, can you come get the kids. Santana is having a bad night and I can't handle the morning by myself, Thank you." She hangs up the phone. "It's going to be okay darling. Sean understood and has giving you some time off until Charlie gets here. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head. "No but I can think of something that would make me feel better I say sitting up to kiss her. She falls into it quickly but pulls away just as fast.

"Baby you're sick and you might get Charlie sick." I lay back down she has a point. "I'm going to call your mom to see if she can bring us something to eat since I'm not supposed to be doing anything and you're sick and having a bad day. Don't be sad baby I can still cuddle you." I smile as she holds me close. Listening to the sound of our baby's heartbeat I drift back to sleep. I didn't want to but I couldn't stay awake.

**AN: Sorry this chapter took so long to post I've done serval different versions of this on and orginally it was divided in two but didn't add up enough. I have an idea having to do with Brittnay's voices but I'm going to try to make the next few chapters fluffy. Thank you and review :)**


	22. Charlie and Worries

=Brittany=

I don't know when it was that we realized how different Charlie was. At 18 months is when I first remember him showing signs of what was to come. Sadie what brushing her Barbie's hair in the playroom. I was home alone because it was my drop day. Santana was working overtime. It was the middle of Christmas break so the kids were out of school. Lucas was playing with his xbox I was sitting in there with them reading. I put out some baby toys and little Fisher Price cars for Charlie, and placed him on a cushie rug.

Instead of playing with the toys I set out for him he kept crawling over to Sadie taking an extra Barbie and trying to brush her hair. Sadie tried to redirect him but he was set on that barbie. He would be drawn to girl toys and much to Lucas' disappointment withdraw from boy toys.

When he was three, we were nearly positive he was just gay. He came out in Sadie's tutu skipping and swaying looking for a reaction from Santana and I. "Aww what a cute little girl we have." Santana coos rubbing his blonde hair. We only let him dress like a girl while at home. Santana was worried the kids at the day-care would be cruel to him. That's when the behavior problems started. He refused to sit with the boys and use the boys bathroom and when told he couldn't be with the girls he would cry and throw a fit saying he might as well be a girl. That he felt like a girl and wanted to be a girl.

By the time she was 6 we realized she wasn't gay but transgender. She was supposed to be a girl. We had let her grow her hair out and live as the gender she felt she really was. By the first grade most of us have stopped using the 'he' pronoun as a family. And before our eyes Charlie blossomed from a angry confused boy to a happy carefree little girl. She kept the name Charlie but asked us to change Charles to Charlene. Both Charlie and Sadie loved dance, Sadie loved teaching her new tricks. Often leaving Lucas left out, but with Malachi and Hayden (Mike and Tina's oldest) he wasn't completely alone.

Lucas didn't take it well. He really wanted to have a brother and to find out later that brother was a sister he was very disappointed. It took him a while to adjust but he soon understood that he never had a brother. The community however didn't. We got hate from a lot of people. They said that because Charlie doesn't have a father, we made him into a girl. The kids at the school would be mean to her because they knew she was biology a boy. We had to move across town to Mike and Tina's neighborhood. We also changed schools which Lucas hated. We needed to start fresh in an area that they didn't know we used to have two sons and a daughter not the reverse.

"Mama?" Charlie asks as Sadie and I braid her now long blonde hair.

"Yes baby."

"Why did we have move?"

"So you can start new as a complete girl. Your teachers know but that is all. Remember how you felt when you weren't invited to Dana's slumber party because they knew you used to be a boy now no one knows that. Your just one of the girls."

"Do you think I can ever get boobies like you and Mami?" I smile but groan this was my baby I didn't want to think about her growing up. Lucas was already almost taller than me and could rest his chin on Santana's head.

"We'll worry about that when you're older. You're only seven. There all done you'll have curls like your sissy in the morning." I say tying off the last braid. I tuck my girls in and kiss their foreheads. "Goodnight little darlings."

Santana was running really late she told me Jackass Sean dumped a ton of paper work on her but she'll be home around ten. It was nine now but I haven't heard from her for over an hour I wasn't worried yet but had a feeling of uneasiness. I guess that after twenty some odd years her paranoia has rubbed off on me. I peak inside Lucas' room to see him trying to be engrossed in his History book.

He looks up at me and gives me a half smile, "Just reviewing for the test tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I'll pass this time. Is Mami home yet?"

I just smile he has become such a good young man. He was good to his sisters and learned that to deck every jerk that provokes him. "Not yet sweetheart. You need anything I know I can't help with the homework but you need to talk." I look at my oldest child. He looked so much like Santana. He was a little darker than her but that was mostly because of how much sun he got. His eyes were almost identical, about the only thing he got from me was the height and chin.

"Mama, I haven't been sleeping well. I can't believe someone can be that evil." We had told him everything about a month ago and I could tell it was tearing him up inside, which made me feel nothing but guilt. I can hear his voice hitching. I sit down and put my arm around him as he breaks down. Underneath the hard-headed, tough exterior was a very sensitive young man. He cries on my shoulder for a minute. "How? How can anyone do this to a baby. Much less a relative." He was getting angry now. I just rub his back. "I can't get the picture out of my head. A large whiskey reeking man pinning a little girl to the bed undressing her and forcing her to do horrible things, with no remorse whatsoever."

"Baby it's okay he's gone now six feet under back in Ohio."

"Yeah but I'm sure there are other men involved. There are other assholes out there. I have to protect you guys. I will kill anyone who attacks any of you especially Sadie and Charlie. God what if some bigots attack her because of her birth defect."

We called Charlie's penis a birth defect because though we were sure she was transgender, surgery wasn't possible till she came of age. We already planed on giving her hormones to keep her from going through male therapy. "Baby we can't worry about the evils of the world, All we can do is be prepared. That's why we put you all in karate. It's why Mami and I carry tazers. Finish up your studying baby. I love you." I kiss his head before exiting the bedroom.

I sit in the living room. _'you're worried about something aren't you.'_ Lord Tubbington said sitting at the other end of the sofa.

'I_ think she's left you she's gotten tired of us so she left you. She'll come back and take the kids. And you will be all alone. Sasha will fire will be the only ones who gives two shits about you.' _Cricket says. I try my best to ignore him didn't see him he was just in my head. Saying awful things, it did bother me but at least he was easier to brush off.

_'Something's wrong.' _Goat whispers in my ear. _'I think something has happened. Call her. Call her NOW!'_

**AN: Review and the next chapter will be up soon. _  
_**


	23. Back to the Start

**AN: I am so so sorry about the long wait. I have been working on this off an on for a while but my father who had been sick for a very very long time finally passed on so I've been helping my mom with settling his matters then the holiday. But now I'm back and probably will go back to when Charlie was born next. Here's the next chapter. And again sorry for the wait.**

=Santana=

"Let me walk you to your car." Kenneth says. He was a big guy not over weight but very tall and buff. Ken is a manager but being vice president I was his supervisor. Sean maybe a sexist asshole at times but he wasn't all that bad. He never liked me to walk around the garage alone, and to be frank I didn't either. He didn't know the extent of the abuse but knew something happened that made me be super careful or paranoid. I trusted Sean not on the level that I would let him sit the girls if I wasn't near, but enough I don't get knots in my chest if we're alone together; Kenneth was a different story. I didn't know Ken well and far from trusted him but it was better than going alone. "How's your kids" He asked casually.

"They're good. Charlie's adjusting and so are the others." I say he didn't need to know much. We had a fund for her hormones and sexual reassignment surgery when it became available. Most people new my family from the many charity dinners I had to go to. It wasn't a secret I had a wife and a transgender child.

"What about your wife." he asked and the way he did made me want to run. The knot in my chest was becoming hard to bare. The mood had changed and my body tenses up the way it always does when I feel threatened. "Why don't you come back to my house I'll start a fire and get some wine..."

"My wife and I are doing well and you are being very unprofessional." At that he rams me into a concrete column. Stunned for a moment I try to regain my balance. His hands try to shove their way up my shirt. He holds my wrists in one hand as he begins to fondle my breast. A part of me is saying I asked for it and I owed it to him. I feel my body go limp. I was becoming that little child again. The little girl was terrified and Ken became _Him_. It was almost an out of body expertise. And I have my first waking flashback in a long time.

"_Come on baby you expect me not to be turned on by that uniform. It's like your begging to be fucked." He pins my arms to my sides and grinds against my backside. I can smell the tequalia from where he held me. "We have all day you know. Come on you know you deserve every bit of what's coming. Your parents are having their date night and Mrs. Lowe is watching your sister. Jason will be over soon and you can do the only thing your good at. You've been such a bad girl. You want this. This is your only purpose..."_

I snap out of it gasping for air. Not again. I find the strength I needed this wasn't going to happen, not ever. I manage to free on of my wrists and force my palm up breaking his nose before kneeing him in the groin. I then dial 911. Before I can tell them the address someone grabs my ankle slamming my head on the concrete I strain to remain conscious and ram my fully charged tazer into his neck before I black out.

"It's alright baby I'm here." I hear Brittany's voice and instantly feel safe. At first I thought it was a small night terror but I feel the plastic protector under the sheets and realize I'm in the hospital. I'm sore I haven't felt this kind of sore since my last extreamly vivid nightmare.

"What happened, Where are the kids?"

"The girls are with Lucas. Mike and Tina are going to take them to school in a few hours. Baby, what do you remember?"

"Kenneth was walking me to my car then he came on to me. He attacked me."

"He's pressing charges." Brittany said sitting next to me. "He's painting you to be some kind of man hater."

"What?! the asshole attacked me first." she carefully puts her hand on my chest, keeping me from sitting up.

"I know, your boss is on your side. You chipped your shoulder, broke your wrist and have a nasty bump on your head. You also tazed yourself. Are you hurting anywhere else." I shake my head. "Listen when I tell the doctor your awake you'll probably be arrested, now I don't want you to tie a noose around your neck by insisting to have a female officer or doctor. I've met them both and they're safe enough. Don't worry I got the bail. You'll be fine, hell we know a great lawyer and an my dad's a retired one."

"But their going to dig up my past you know how bad I was as a kid they're going to use it against me. I know it."

"Also it will explain why you used 'excessive force' it works for you too darling. Any man who attacks a woman in a empty parking garage is a coward so what if you handled it yourself. The guys just mad a girl beat him up."

There was a knock on the door before I Britt even got up. Sean timidly comes in holding a vase of sunflowers. "I'm so sorry San. I didn't know he was a creep. How are you feeling?" he says placing the vase on the counter.

"Embarrassed." I say already tired of talking about it but I better get used to it as I'm being sued even-though I'm the victim. The thought didn't set well with me I told myself when I left the hospital that Brittnay and I will never be the victim again. I guess I was wrong.

"Don't be you handled yourself like a pro. Don't worry about it your job is safe just get these legal matters taking care of. You have a lot of people on your side. It'll be Ok." I tense up as he lightly hugs me and leaves the room.

Not too long after a police man came in. "Ms. Lopez. I have a propsitinon for you. You can avoid the lawsuit if you don't press charges against Mr. Thomson. And off the record I would have been on your side. I just nod and sign the papers saving myself the trouble. I couldn't help but feel it was wrong that It was the cowards way out. I couldn't have everything being dug up again. Not my personal life anyway.

"Your okay shh it's okay." Brittany whispers holding me as I finally begin to cry. But things were dug up. More than the nightmares I felt uneasy all over his hands on me. The male doctor comes in to talk to me, but I couldn't bring myself to speak to tell him I didn't want to be touched. My whole body begins to shake. I don't relax until he leaves. I'm back to where I was back to Lima back to the start. I'm the paranoid teenager again, but now I have a teenagaer a child in transitonn. I have a family to protect. I can't be afraid of every male around. I can't start over.

"Britt, I don't know if I can ever go back to work. I'm scared."

She shushes me. "We'll work it out; Lets go home."

**AN: Thanks for reading and please please review. **


	24. Labor Pains

AN: This takes place about six years before the last chapter.

=Brittany=

I was so board at this point I don't know if I can take another day of laying in bed. I've been having the same nightmare over and over but I have managed to keep it a secret from San, at least the last few times. It doesn't take a genius to annalize. I wake up covered and blood only to find out I lost him. It's what happened the last time but I was only ten weeks. I'm due next week.

I smile as I see Santana brings me breakfast. I wasn't expecting it she was just taking the kids to school and then was supposed to go to the office to talk to Sean about taking care of me until the baby comes. He had already said it was okay but it was a formality more or less. I look at the large smilily face on the plate. Eggs bacon, pancakes a glass of OJ and even a little pink flower. I started to cry it was so romantic and sweet and pull her into a large wet kiss despite her still being a little sick. Running my tongue along her lip and sucking on it a little before letting her go.

"Damn I should stay home from work and give you breakfast in bed more often. Eat up I'm going to go get me a bagel. As she was walking away I noticed how her body is still as hot as it was when we were seventeen, and just like that my happy mood goes sour. I felt so gross and fat next to her. I didn't have much time to think about it my stomach cramped. I mean I been cramping since early this morning but not really noting it until now, I mean it was because I was so close right? She comes in with a bagel in her mouth shielded by one of her hands and a cup of coffee in the other. I couldn't help but push the awful cramps out and smile when I noticed the bit of cream cheese on her nose. I groan again and she put the bagel on my tray ripping her phone off the charger. Calling our doctor.

=Santana=

With in the hour we were in a room, Brittany was a bit confused at why it was hurting worse than Lucas. I couldn't answer that. The doctor said she was having trouble with her breathing and her blood presure was high. When I tryed to help her remember the classes she snapped at me saying she couldn't. When he did finally arrived the scooped him up out of the room saying he was having problems breathing but asurring me he would be alright. It was Brittany they were worried about she was still bleeding and bleeding out fast. "Mam we need to ask you something and you don't have time to think it over. We can keep trying or we can do an emergency hysterectomy either way we can still lose her but the 2nd option's outcome is her best chance." I feel my throat start to close up at the thought of loosing her forever. I managed to tell them do whatever they could to save her.

I felt so alone looking in on tiny Charlie, in an oxygen tent. He was just under seven pounds but the long labor took it's toll on his tiny body. I feel my father squeeze my shoulders trying to rub the tention out of them. I here Brittany's dad singing a German folk to Sadie but nothing made my body relax. My wife was in surgery and my baby in an oxygen tank. I couldn't even hold him yet. They let Brittany hold him for a moment before taking him away so they could work on her. I held his little hand. I had to get some air.

"Mija where are you going." My mom asked following me to the elevador.

"I have got to have a smoke; it's just too much...I can't handle it." I say starting to cry now that I was out of the view of my children. I look down at her and can't help but see the disappointment. My grandfather had died of lung cancer because of his chain smoking. I suddenly had to defend myself. "I only smoke one after a very bad nightmare but this feels like one. She's bleeding to death and he's having problems breathing. The kids don't know I smoke and I go to the very back of the yard." I pant though the tears. I felt like my nerves were boiling over.

"It's alright baby I just don't want it to be a habit or a money pit. If it is only to chase the demons away, I can live with that. Let me go out with you, you don't need to be alone right now. How have your dreams been. I know you've been hiding them when you can, to keep from worrying Brittany."

"I've only been having about one a week and not since that last one two weeks ago had I had one that I needed to calm down from." I was still gasping I couldn't get my breath. I was starting to feel dizzy.

"I'm going to go check out the gift shop while your in the smoking section you know how I am with it." I nodd still feeling dizzy. The smell just makes her sick to her stomach ever since she left Puerto Rico she hasn't been able to handle the smell all around her.

I sit on the bench and was about to light one, when a guy aproched me. I was already guarded but he seemed harmless enough. "Hey can a bum one." I hold it out to him not saying much. He looked like he hadn't slept for days. "Between my ex and these doctors. I'll be lucky to see next summer."

"Tell me about it. You're day is probably worse than mine." I say finally making eye contact. He was about my age give or take a few.

"My son had a bad accident on the dirt bike I got him for his tenth birthday, and my ex is blaming me on her not making him wear is helment. How about you, you look like you've had a rough day too."

"My wife is in emergancy surgery after having the baby. They couldn't stop the bleeding."

"So you like girls huh." He said it wasn't threating or even curious, more disappointed if anything.

"Yep, sorry."

"No, well I was going to ask if you wanted to go for coffee if you were single which I doubted. So how long have you two been together."

"I guess it'll be fourteen years in September. What exactly happened in the accident?"

"He was showing off with his friends and flipped it cracking his skull. The doctors think he'll recover by the time school starts up next year. It's mostly just spending so much time with my ex." He kept talking but I had lost him my earing had became muffled. "Hey...Was it a boy or a girl." I smile coming back to normal.

"We had a boy, his name is Charlie. Lucas is thrilled. Sadie is just happy to have her Mama back in her dance classes."

"Are they yours too? You don't look old enough to have more than one."

"Your sweet but year Lucas is 8 and Sadie is almost 6." I pull out my phone to show him my background. He shows me his. "Aww he's sweet. I hope he makes a great recovery. Here's one for when you need a break from that ex of yours. I hand him one more and stood up to walk back inside.

The next thing I knew I was being carried by someone who was running. "Hey I need someone." says the guy. I'm guessing he was the guy in the smoking area.

"What happened?" says another voice. Then all went black again.

"Santana, Mija are you back with us." I look at my mom who's holding my hand.

"Mama what happened?"

"You fainted baby. Your blood sugar and pressure was very low when the guy brought you in. He wants me to tell him when you wake up so he knows you're alright. Here drink this." She says handing me a Sprite. I sip it trying to stop shaking.

"Mama hows Brittany?" I ask once she comes in the room.

"They just moved her to a room but she hasn't woke up yet. They're going to start the second blood transfusion; The surgery was a success. Baby have you eating at all today?" I thought for a minute and then realized I had only a bite of a bagel since nine this morning. Knowing she wouldn't except the few cups of coffee as anything I shook my head. "You need to start taking care of yourself. The doctors said you're free to go but not drive. They're keeping Brittany and Charlie anyway. The Pierce's took the kids home so don't worry. Once I drop you off at her room I'm going to go get you a sandwich at that deli downstairs; I don't care if your hungry you got to eat something." I smile at my moms ranting as we walk to her room upstairs. I'm happy everyone was out of the woods. I was exhausted.


	25. Returning to LIMH

**AN: Sorry about the long weight I just haven't felt like writing lately. I'm working on my proofing. I'm going to try to update sooner but can't make any promises. Thanks for reading and please please review :)**

=Brittany=

"How's she feeling." Sean asked he stopped by after work. I could tell he was being torn apart with guilt.

"Not good. It's triggered some really bad memories..."

"I know something happened to her as a child but I don't know what. Can I ask what it is?" I swallow thinking about what he needed to know.

"Don't tell her I told you. Her uncle who babysitted her after school from age 5 to 10, raped her nearly daily until she had to kill him when he went after her sister. That's why she was in the mental hospital for three years. It's why she is very paranoid and protective."

"Gosh that does explain a lot. Take as long as you need to get her well again. I can hold her job for up to a year. Thanks for filling me in. Now go take care of your wife." I smile weakly and accept a hug. After he left I had to take a moment. I don't know how long can keep it together. We needed to get some help. More help than what Mandy could give.

"Lucas I want you to listen and listen close. Your Mami and I have to go back to Ohio. She's not getting any better. She's barley spoken or eaten since the other night. We have to go back and see our therapist. I don't know what to tell your sisters." I was stressed thankful I finally got her to sleep. It had been a week since the attack. She had only gotten worse. I had to spoon feed her bathe her, sing and rock her. It was like one of her nightmares was on loop with no pattern and very little recoup time.

"I don't know what to say Mom. Except I want to break that bastard's arms before he fondle anyone else."

"Hey! Watch your language." I lightly scold my son I felt terrible even asking him for help but he deserved to know. If we gave him what ever lie we gave his sisters, he'd see through it. He knew why she was in the state she was. He had seen it briefly before so he knew something was up. She didn't have some kind of virus, she was in a very bad episode. Mandy had been by and told me to take her back to Lima that this wouldn't be something I could rock her back to sleep or uping the dosage of her Xanax or Prazosin could cure. She hadn't even smoked even though I offered. When she did speak it was barely coherent or of whatever horror movie was currently playing in her head.

_The only thing she said that was coherent. "Are you going to be Ok." I ask brushing her hair. It had been 24 hours since the attack. _

"_No. Please don't leave me." She clings to me tightly. I send Sasha a text explaining I can't come to work for a while. Within the next hour she was telling me to get out before he hurts me. I moved the girls out when she was screaming the first night. I managed to convince them that it was a stomach virus and she was dry heaving. When I asked Mandy why she was only shaken at the doctors but when I brought her home she was in the state she was, she said it was the adrenalin wearing off._

Sean felt awful. The guy lost his job but because of the agreement she signed, got away with everything else. Her job was safe for up to a year but he was bringing in a substitute for the time being. "I don't know how long it will be. It's not just for her though. I've been hearing the voices; they are not saying good things either. I'm not well either. Sasha and Pat agreed to stay here with you guys." Goat was gone, I haven't seen or heard him since that night. Tubbs has been quietly chain smoking. _He_ and Cricket are telling me she's hopeless and I might as will put her out of her misery, that the same thing is going to happen to the girls and it is a fate worse than death. They are telling me the gruesome details of our history repeating themselves, taking Charlie's condition into consideration. The things they were telling me made me not want to let them leave my sight. Someone cutting off her birth defect, raping Sadie, beating Lucas to death when he tries to defend them. I knew they were just trying to get a rise out of me and it was working. I didn't want to hurt my children.

"I can take care of them." He says all macho. It was hard to believe that we had a young man in the house now and not a little boy he was bigger than Santana and me. As tall as me but no where near built like a dancer. The kid worked out and though he could run, it was more weights.

"I know you can baby but someone is going to have to drive you guys places. I don't know how long we will be gone. The story we are going to tell your sisters is that Mami is really sick and needs to see her old doctor in Lima and I'm driving her there to save us from the flying stress."

"What can I do to help?"

I didn't know and held back a sob. "Hold down the fort and keep an eye on your sisters." he wraps his arms around me holding me close. It was really weird having my son comfort me.

"You don't have to do this alone." He says squeezing my shoulders. I here a loud sob from the master bedroom.

"I have to go check on her." I say getting up. He just nods. I walk into the master bedroom expecting to see her curled up crying on the bed but I didn't see her. I walk closer and see her on my side. She was crying and looking at the knife she keeps in the nightstand. I walk up to her and take it away. I see blood gushing out of a cut on her side I quickly grab the towel I used to dry my hair this morning. "Baby why did you do this." I say pressing it to the deep cut.

"I wanted to feel something other then shame, worthlessness. Maybe he wouldn't hurt me if I was less pretty." I hold her not quite understanding what she meant. "You need to go. Go now he will hurt you." I continue to hold her.

" Baby, Carlos has been dead for a very long time. No one's going to hurt me. Tomorrow I'm taking you to see Lawson. Mike, Tina, Sasha and Pat are going to take turns watching the kids. We need to get you some help, and Mandy says that's our best shot. Do you understand?" I ask gentally not even sure if she heard what I said, but she gives me a slow nod. It took awhile but I finally got her back to sleep.


	26. Co-Dependence

**AN: Sorry that my updates have been few and far between just not as full of ideas as I was. I have two other chapters started: One from Sadies POV and another Right after Charlie was born. I don't know when they will be posted but I'm still working on them. **

=Santana=

Lucas tells me I have been in a trance for a little over week now. He doesn't know where Brittany went, no one does. She didn't tell him, Mike, Sasha, our parents or Mandy anything all I saw was one of the cars were gone. She had left her meds, and I could only find one outfit missing. I'm worried. It's not like I'm all better now, the five stitches on my side are still fresh. Lucas explained she disappeared the next day one day before I came to. It's not like I haven't been in a trance before but never a week. I remember bits and pieces but nothing that would tell me where she went. I have a theory at why she left without a word or her meds. It's the voices. Mandy thinks that she has started hallucinating in a way that hasn't happened since LIMH. She saw another self. One that would kill if given the chance. She says that they have been escalating with all the stress. Stress of the move, stress of the rumors, stress about the attack and though she and I will never say it out loud, the stress about Charlie's transition.

I told the girls she had to go on a trip with Sasha's crew because they needed another female chaperone. I don't know if Sadie bought it but I know Charlie did. Sasha is semi understanding but doesn't know just how vivid her delusions could get at it's worse. How they don't always talk to her but take on a life of their own. I don't know how many times she argued to what appeared to be an empty room. Usually all I need to do is hug her and they quite down. Only once did she shove me before realizing I wasn't who/what she thought I was. Mandy and Lawson both warned us that our co-dependence on one another. If one of us have a nervous break down the others reality begins to unravel. Never have they overlapped though.

I should have been there to chase them away. _'Your even more worthless than you were before. Filthy slut. She left you because your getting old. You're letting yourself go. Look at your fat ass. She's probably out fucking some looser teen with a hotter bod. Not that she's much better than you, even now she's only good for a fuck.'_ I bite my lip wishing the hurtful words away. They weren't really voices like her voices but he usually only insulted me and tried to make me feel worthless. They're not really voices but thoughts that are embedded in my psyche or some mumbo-jumbo that Mandy/Lawson spits out. Brittany would be speaking sweet things of love. She usually only has to 'Stop that, you're amazing.' and quickly over powers the bad things he says. The bad thoughts went away but the feelings didn't.

My phone starts buzzing before I look I answer and hear her crying. "Baby where are you?" I say all I hear is sobbing. "Brittany I'm not mad where are you honey; I'll come pick you up." I was furious but I needed to know she was OK first.

"I don't know! I..I" she said through heavy sobbing.

"Breath, now slowly what happened, what's going on." My worse fears started to rise up. What if she didn't just take off what if she was hurt or worse.

"I was afraid I would hurt you so I just took a drive and kept driving. I'm lost San." I breath now that I know she didn't get kidnaped or something horrible.

"Ok I'll tell you what you need to do drive to an intersection look at a street sign..."

"Adder Road." I thought for a minute if there was an Adder rd. near here.

"San I drove for a long time I don't think I'm in the states. It's flat and has a bunch of dead grass."

I sigh softly, "Ok here's what I need you to do drive until you see a group of cars and tell me what name is on the plates." She drove for awhile in silence.

"Alright I think can kinda give you my location...no. No! I won't!" I was confused until I remember she had been with off her medication for two days.

"Hand him the phone." This is nuts. "Shut the fuck up and leave her alone."

"How did you do that." I smile, happy that it worked.

"Nevermind that where are you hun."

"Oklahoma City." Shit shit shit shit shit! Why would she go to one of the 3 states that still don't allow same sex marriage. I hear someone talking to her in a background. "Mam are you lost?" I country male accent flows though the phone.

"A little but my wife is coming to get me." I brace myself for a biggity response.

"Can I speak to her so she'll know exactly where your at. Hi miss. I'm Officer Watson from the OCPD. Where are you coming from." I tell him from Iowa. Do you want me to take her back to the station so you can quickly find her. I'll get her a hotel room near by. Don't worry I'll take good care of your girl." I was suspious but agreed. I filled Lucas in, packed a small bag with her meds and mine and started driving downing two espressos before.

Brittany called saying she had little chocolates on her pillow. She insisted that the officers were pretty liberal for rednecks and were very nice. She was staying in a single at the Holiday Inn. I programmed the GPS and I was ready to drive all night. 3am that morning She answers the door in a sports bra and dance shorts that say OU, with a pencil in her hair, looking hot as ever. I slap her before hugging her crying just glad she was safe. "What the hell were you thinking! Leaving without your meds or a word to anyone."

I quickly feel like a complete bitch. As she tears up, "I couldn't let them hurt you, the kids or anyone really. I was going to drive until they went away. I'm sorry I didn't mean to be gone that long. I didn't even know how long I drove before I noticed I had no idea where I was." I held her until I felt I could let her go.

"You have to eat something you've barley have eaten at all this week. You know until the other day when they were acting up. I was going to take you to see Lawson." she says an hour later after make up sex and ordering questionable tex-mex food from the diner downstairs. I couldn't eat but she informed me that I had to so I was forcing some saltines down. "So we're heading back tomorrow?"

"Well I told the girls that you went with Sasha he won't be back until the next day..." She smiles placing the nachos on the nightstand before preparing me for round two.


	27. Hey

=Santana=

I walk in to her room and see that she's still out and in the middle of a blood transfusion. They had the oxygen under her nose and the steady beeping made me more than anxious. She has regained some color in her face but was still pale. I was starting to feel dizzy again but got ahold of myself. I didn't need my mom freaking out more than she already was. I look down at Charlie who has been moved into her room. He had a receiving blanket laying across his tiny body he still had the oxygen hood on, looking so small. I ran my finger along his little foot.

"Hey..." I heard her voice I turn to her and smile.

"You almost bleed out on me and all you say is 'hey'." I kept my tone lightly joking.

"Hey.." she says again weakly.

"How you feeling."

"Is he OK?" she said trying and failing at sitting up.

"He'll be fine just the labor took it's toll on him too. Hey it's not your fault."

"Yes it is, if I had ran the baby-machine better everything would have gone smoothly."

I place my finger over her lips. "Shh. I'm just glad you both are going to be OK. For a little while I wasn't sure. Brittany, did you want to have more kids?" I study her as she tries to make since of my question.

"Maybe we can foster a few when that empty-nest-syndrome sits in. Why I thought your rule was one out of diapers before starting another."

"Baby do you remember anything after the birth?"

"Not really, why?"

"You had to have a surgery in order to stop the bleeding. You can't bare anymore children." I braced myself for her tears or pout.

"Oh that. I thought you were asking me if I remembered the actual surgery." A baby cry comes from behind me. "Hey hand him over I bet he's hungry."

"Let me ask the nurse if he can be taken out of the hood." I quickly get the head nurse on duty.

"Ah he sure is screaming; he should be just fine. We can't breast feed just yet because drugs from the surgery but I can get you the next best thing." She leaves the room and I pick up our crying son. I was going to pass him off to her when she stopped me

"Baby I'm still groggy you hold him just sit next to me. Besides they have me hooked up to all this stuff I can't use this arm."

"Since this is your third child I'll leave you to it. I smile at the night nurse returning with a bottle of newborn formula." I sit next to her and give him the bottle.

"Mija you need to eat. I'll feed this baby." My mom says setting down a sandwich box to wash her hands after she was gushing and taking him from me. "Eat unless you want me to tell your wife you fainted on a stranger down stairs."

"You just did." I say slightly annoyed. I didn't want to worry her too. My mom glances at Britt just now realizing she's awake.

"I told you to eat." Britt says. "You worry about everyone else and forget to eat. So was he cute?"

"Kinda in a coffee shop hipster kind a way, had a small crush on me but respected boundaries. His ex was hounding him about the dirt bike accident their son was in. Just anther kid who doesn't like helmets."

"He politely carried her in. Say good night to little man he is out." My mom holds him out for Brittany to coo since she couldn't hold him. I quickly swallow my bite and kiss him on his head before she puts him back in the hood.

"I hope his son is going to be alright." I say taking the last bite of the sandwich.

xxx

=Brittany=

I don't know when I dosed off sometime after her mom left. She's sleeping in the recliner with a blanket from the hospital over her. Charlie was taken by the nurse so I could get some sleep. I still can't believe she didn't eat all day; I worry about that all the time. She works way too many hours and doesn't eat enough for the breaks she gets. Sean is even worried and sometimes drops a granola bar on her desk hoping she would take the hint. Her face changing got me more alert; I couldn't easily crawl out of bed to hold her. I didn't have the strength. I'm so sore and not the kind of sore that I get from dancing all day when Sasha convinces me to teach an intensive class that only the most studious dancers take. I could barely stay awake but something kept me awake. I try to remember when her last nightmare was. I can only think of the one about a month ago when she caught that bug. I reach over and grab her foot. She kicked it off. I throw an empty water bottle at her hoping that would do the trick.

"What the heck..oh Britt, where's the baby."

"He's with the nurses now They thought I might get some sleep if they took him to be with the other babies." She was startled but nothing more.

"Are you alright it looked like you were about to have one of your nightmares." She just nods and moves to sit lay next to me. It was cramped but I just let her hold my arm as she buried her face into my shoulder. "You want to talk about it?"

"You really scared me babe. I can't loose you at least not until we're ninety and then I will go with in the month. Our kids need us both until they have kids and probably grandkids of their own."

"Ok no dying." I said smiling. She snickers into my shoulder. "Was that really what you dreamed or was it something meaner."

"Something meaner but I don't really remember much, only being scared. Just hold me a little longer." I kiss her head as she clings to me. After the tension was drained she pecked me on the lips and returned to her chair.

oooooooo

**AN: Here's another update don't know when the next will be. Review please. **


	28. Three Moms and a Creep

_Tiffany is loosely based on my girlfriends (birth) mother who has been in and out of trouble since she was a teen. She's going to be out of jail in a few months but I'm sceptical of change. I don't know much about the parole and prison system but I know that my GF was adopted and has a relationship with her(that maybe because she was adopted by her grandparents.)  
_

Sadie (Age 12)

I knew that Mami didn't just have a virus but I went along with it just because I didn't want Charlie to catch on that something was wrong. She was barely seven and always saw the best in the world despite the wrong body she was given. She still believed in the Easter Bunny for goodness-sake. I didn't want to have to explain that something scared Mami so bad. I saw through Mami's lie when Mama took off with out a word but once again kept my mouth shut. The day after they got home, I confronted them about it and asked for the truth. They told me about Mami's uncle and Mama's voices. They told me about the coworker that attacked and the resulting relapse. There was more but that was enough for now; I didn't want to upset my parents more than they already were.

Lucas thinks it's hard explaining he has 2 moms; I have three. Every other Thursday my mom sometimes Mami and Tiffany meet so I can have a relationship with my birth mother. Last week we went horseback riding with Charlie. Nothing in the adoption contract said they needed to let me see her but since I was adopted they've kept her in a circle. I didn't meet her again until I was seven. She had been in prison for a year, and her parole officer thought it would be good for her to have a relationship with me. Mami was sceptical so one of them were always with me.

I don't remember much about living with Tiffany and Kyle. I remember a feeling of being a bad kid but I don't remember why. Mandy thinks it's because they left me at the studio and that memory was the first week or so I was with my moms. Kyle hasn't cared to contact me and my moms haven't even sent him the wallets they sent to Tiffany and her family not that they would let me see him anyway. Tiff says he was really rude to them before and if that was true there was no way Mami would allow it. I don't care to see him either.

I like Tiffany, I can tell I look like her. She doesn't try to be mom and she has no right to try. She asked why I was still in a booster which I have asked countless times, but I knew why. It's because I'm so small. I'm the smallest in dance even smaller than the 9 year olds and so many at school dwarf me. She says that her mother was tiny too.

I'm excited for summer. Our passports have come in. All five of us are going to Germany for my Great Oma's 100th birthday. Because I'm going to be out of the country for two weeks Mom agreed to meet Tiffany again this Monday.

We're waiting at the park by my school. Mom is telling me to calm down and stop practicing on the monkey bars. My moms think I put too much pressure on myself and they're probably right. I want to be in the Olympics. My parents keep telling me that they'll love me no matter how I do in competitions but I don't take loosing well. Mom comes up to me and pulls me down. "Chill, Pumpkin you're going to strain yourself if you keep this up."

I'm still love dance but it comes second to gymnastics. "I got to train until Tiff gets here; I have a competition this weekend." I say starting up again.

Once again she picks me up and then sets me on a bench handing me a pack of nuts and some water. "No more training baby, take a break to recoup. You don't want to make yourself sick."

"I was just going to go until Tiffany gets here. I just wanted to be productive." I knew when I said it I messed up. It was confirmed as she pulls out my vocabulary flash cards. After about an hour of running the flash cards, a young police man walked up.

"Since you weren't, answering you're phone she begged me to meet with you. Tiffany has been arrested for possession. She regrets it but has violated her parole. She'll be staying in the county jail. I'm sorry."

xxxx

=Brittany=

Sadie knows now. After we got back from Oklahoma, we were forced to clue her in. Not as much as Lucas but enough to understand what was going on. She approached us and asked what was really wrong that she knew there was more to what we were telling her. Charlie remains clueless.

I'm worried about Sadie. She's been overdoing it with the gymnastics. I'm afraid she's going to end up hurting herself. She wants to make it into the Olympics. It's not that I don't think she can do it but some of the behaviors remind me of Sam back in the day. If she keeps this up, I might have to call him for advice, and with Tiffany back in prison she has added another two hours to her weekly routine.

Santana is somewhat recovering but not back to normal. Her nightmares have only gotten worse or more frequent. She's gone back to work but nothing too social. Sean has just told her to do the books so she didn't have to talk to employees or clients. I'm meeting a new student for private class. Natalie Thomson she was age 5 and just recently moved from Des Moines and was looking for a studio near by. The check went through so I have a 90 minute class with her twice a week for the rest of the season. Her father specifically asked for me, which isn't that unusual our best teachers are Mike, Sasha and me, and if they felt more comfrontable with a lady teacher. I don't understand it. Sasha is more of a girl than me but that's beside the point.

A man walked up holding a little girls hand. She had pale skin and light brown hair which was put in a single French braid. The guy was tall and buff but something about him seemed so familar I couldn't pin-point it. "Here's my little girl I'll see you in an hour and a half." I smile brightly and begin our class, but something was off about this guy.

After an forty minutes of correcting things she was taught wrong, I started a jazz piece I thought she'd enjoy. She was talented but taught a lot of things backward. With the last fifteen minutes I made her a beginners booklet of the positions and stretches to work on. The guy walked in out of his suit and in a musule shirt soaked with sweat. I'm assuming he went to the gym down the street.  
"Why don't you go practice, outside sunshine, while I speak with Miss Brittany." Natalie happily skips to the hall way. He approches me and I feel my pulse jumping. Santana has to be rubbing off on me. "So how was it does she need to work on anything?" I hand him the packet she left on the bar. His hand touches mine an lingers for awhile making this room even more uncomfrontable.

Nice to meet you Miss Brittany; See you Thursday."

"Nice to meet you too Mr. Thomson." I wanting him to leave already.

"You can call me Ken." He says with a smile before leaving. I swallow some bial that rose up in my throat. It was him; the guy that got off with a mere slap on the wrist for assaulting my wife.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

**AN: And that concludes my half written chapters ...so the next update might be a while but since I got this bug I'm going to be spending the next few days at home. Thanks for reading please review :)**


	29. A vistation to the Baby Factory

**Disclaimer. A small part of this is a song fic. I do not own the songs from Sweeny or the original characters from Glee.  
**

=Santana=

I stare back at myself in the mirror when did I get so old? Lucas already found my first gray hair last year. I found Brittany's when she teased me about it(her blonde hair hid it much better) The six days of no sleep had to help with me looking like my mother. The bags under my eyes were cringe worthy and no amount of concealer would hide it enough.

Brittany developed a mega infection involving a high fever. Her breast are still hurting. Our parents are tag teaming with the kids and the baby is staying here with us. The doctors are finally letting her breast feed now that her fevers down, and thats been helping her feel less detached due to everyone doing everything else. I've always been secretly jealous of the closeness she shared and shares with Lucas and Charlie that came from breast feeding. Not resentful just jealous because it's something I will never have. I know he's gone, but nightmares aside,sx I'm still reminded of my uncle daily either it's a creep at work who can't keep his eyes on his work or something as natural as carrying a child.

"Hello do you remember me?" soft hands covered my eyes as the screeching that is Rachel Berry flows through my ears. I smile at my close friend as Quinn walks in holding a sleeping Jameson.

"Where are the twins?" Brittany asks moving so she could see better.

"Your Mother stole them on her way out after the begging of your's for a play-date." Quinn says joking putting the sleepy three year old down while he looked confused and reached back up. Reluctantly she picked him back up and his thumb went to his mouth.

"Still haven't broke him of that." I say nodding towards his thumb and his clinging.

"We've almost got him broken of it except when he's tired or in a new place; this is a double whammy for him. The doctor says he'll out grow it eventually."

"But his dentist says it can permently effect his bite." Rachel says. The two of them start an argument they had many times before and I've even heard over the phone. Jamie sleeps though it but Charlie starts screaming. Brittany shoots us all a look and the 'Odd Couple' quiets and I scoop him up. Hushing him back to sleep. "Aww I want another one." Rachel says pouting up at Quinn who just shook her head.

"The twins aren't enough? We agreed on one each and you got lucky and got two and besides I'm happy with three."

"Isn't it funny how we both had two boys and a girl." Brittany says taking him from me when he started crying again.

"Sure is. How are you feeling?" Quinn says putting the toddler down once more. He ran up to see the baby. Causing her to hesitate his feeding.

"Is this where babies come from?" He asks me and we all share a look before laughing.

"Yep every city has a baby factory located in the hospital but they start as a pea and until they get big enough a Mommy has to keep him warm in her tummy." Quinn said and I couldn't keep a straight face because in our case that is almost exactly where babies come from and is a G rated way to tell the truth.

"You'll have to write that one down for me." I give her a hug before she left to give Britt and Charlie some rest. Jamie was getting restless and Rachel was talking to Patti on her cell phone. Apparently Nathan and Lucas did something which prompted her to demand to call her mother to tattle. She's a known tattle tell even at age five. If another child cuts in line for the slide, she'll take it as a criminal offense. That kid really needs some help. I knew better than to say anything. I had a hot-headed little boy and a hyper competitive daughter, and besides you don't point out somebody else's child's faults.

Sometime after Quinn left. I just watched Brittany and Charlie sleep until exhaustion took me over and I fell asleep too.

_The first thing I remember is seeing a blured figure. The figure was tall and fit. "Brittany?" I say sitting up from the...waterbed? That was the first indicater that something was wrong. We never had a waterbed they make her sea sick, and Sasha and Pat think their tacky and a money-pit._

"_No, try again." It was a males voice. Everything was unbelievably foggy. I try desperately to remember something before I passed out. I was at one of Sasha's parties with Brittany. Mike and three others agreed to stay sober. Ian was a friend of Pat's and the only other guy that was sobor. After barfing on Mike and crying about something. He offered to take me home. I barely knew the guy but the achohol must have been dulled my anxiety._

"_Mike is that you?" I try to get up but nothing worked my head was swimming._

"_Hey let's get you in something more comfortable. If we were still at the party I would just use your wife's cothes that conveniently fall off when she gets smashed. _

"_No, I'm fine really." I slur but he manages to remove my shirt. "No, don't." I try to say more forcebliy trying and epicly failing to shove him off._

"_You're amazingly sexy, Tana."he says unsnapping my bra. His hands flow down slowly to my skirt. I still try to shove him or exercise any of my defense classes but due to what ever was flowing through my system I could only slightly press against his chest which probably only excited him further. He kisses me before going down and kissing my breast and then removes my underware. I try to kick him. "No, no, no Tana. None of that."_

"Shh...It's alright." I hear her stroking my legs. Brittany was half out of bed looking like she was about to pick me up and rock me.

I just nod and crawl into bed with her burying my nose into her sholder. "The doctors say I can probably come home tomorrow, one the condition that if my fever spikes again you or our parents take me back here.

"That's good. Brittany?"

"Yes babe."

"I'm never going to drink at one of Sasha's parties again and If you decide to I will be extreamly clingy"

"Did you have a creepy date rape dream again." I just nodd. "Baby I would never let you go home with someone you wouldn't do if you were sober.

"But what if you were drunk too?"

"Nope, Sasha, Pat, Tina, Jenny and Mike wouldn't let you either." Jenny was the desk clerk at the studio that booked competitions. She used to be a Rocket before she broke her back in an accident now she's lucky if she can to a intermediate routine. She's a very sweet girl. However comfornting her words were it was an uneasy feeling that wasn't going away. I think the realness or possibily of me being rubied was one of the most realistic nightmares, even logicly, I had in a long time. Brittany most have felted how tense I was so she started singing an acutal song from a horror musical. But I still found it comforting.

Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.

Nothing's gonna harm you, no hun, not while I'm around.

_Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,_

_I'll send 'em howling,_

_I don't care, I got ways._

_No one's gonna hurt you,_

_No one's gonna dare._

_Others can desert you,_

_Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there._

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,_

_But in time..._

_Nothing can harm you_

_Not while I'm around..._

_Not to worry, not to worry_

_I may not be smart but I ain't dumb_

_I can do it, put me to it_

_Show me something I can overcome_

_Not to worry, babe_

_Being close and being clever_

_Ain't like being true_

_I don't need to,_

_I would never hide a thing from you,_

_Like some..._

_No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare_

_Others can desert you,_

_Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!_

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while_

_But in time..._

_Nothing can harm you_

_Not while I'm around.._

_It's weird that a song from Sweeny Todd, a musical about killing people and baking them into pies could be so comforting, but I felt safe again. I pecked her on the lips before moving out of the cramped bed. _

**AN: Reviews are always nice and often gives me the boost to work through the writers blocks I get into. I've been handwriting some of this which is worse than my typing so I hope most of it came out readable. Thanks for reading and please review :)**


	30. Childish Fears

=Brittany=

I wake up to the famierlar whimpering of my beautiful wife. She had been having nightmares about four times a week though it had been months since the attack. She has had two panic attacks at one work which scared the crud out of her co-workers. The first one happened her first week back. Sean's assestant grabbed her shoulder gentally just to ask if she want him to pick up a sandwitch for her too since he was already pick one up for Sean. I don't know how bad it was I just know Sean called me to pick her up and by the time I got there she was still shaken but insisted that she was fine. The other had to do with someone looking a lot like her uncle asking for directions when we were at the store the other day. Thankfully her father was with us to give him the directions in Spanish, while I walked her to a bench to calm her down. Luckily she had only one really bad nightmare this week.

I shake her trying to wake up ingoreing achy pain in my shoulders from covering all week Mike and it was only Tuesday. "San, you're ok. You're safe. Lucas, Sadie and Charlie are tucked safely in bed, and I am right here." I hold her trying to wake her from the horrible images going through her mind. Whether it was her uncle or the dick that attacked her, I didn't know.I had gone through the steps both Lawson and Mandy said, assuring her that she and our family were safe, that it was only a bad dream. Now all I had to do was keep saying it and holding her. She becomes more distressed I continue to hold her close but my grip loosens when she bites me actually breaking the skin. I wince but adjust my hands to continue to hold her while lightly shake her. She begins to thrash and screams luckily my thigh muffled the the shriek. "Baby you need to wake up." I say before repeating the phrase I was taught.

Finnally, she stops moving and just sobs. "Thanks" she whispers into my rib-cage. Trying to stop sobbing. "Oh...I got you good." she said voice already starting to apologize. I shush her rubbing her shoulder with the hand that wasn't bleeding and rubbing the other on my oversized tee.

"Do you feel like talking about it?" I say repositioning us so she's laying in my lap and I'm sitting up.

"Not much to talk about. It was just a flashback. He malnipalating me using threats of hurting my sister, intimidation and just plain force. It's like when I have these types of flashbacks, I'm still a child with child logic, child strength . The feeling that I somehow deserved it or it was my purpose, or if it was happening to me it wouldn't happen to my sister or some other kid. I wake up feeling stupid as fuck for feeling that way and can't get rid of the dirty feeling all over."

I ignore the curse word as I brush my fingers through her sweaty hair. "Your going to be OK now you know your safe right?" I reassure her.

"I don't know what I would do without you." She says turning to kiss me. "I'm gonna go shower." I bite my lip knowing why she wanted to shower. Last time she had a nightmare like this and she showered right after it was in scalding water and scrubbed her skin so hard you could see red streaks all over her. Her sudden change in mood only scared me more.

Having made up my mind, I ask a simple question, "Care if I join you" I flirt kissing her back. I knew she wouldn't burn herself if I came and probably will forget about the flashback entirely. I was exhausted but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep if she was still trying to scrub away the lingering bad memories. She smiles at me before heading to our bathroom. After some 'grown-up time' in the shower. I got a now blissfully calm Santana back in to bed and held her till she was sound asleep once again.

Sleep didn't come so easily for me. There was lots of murmering in my head, it reminded me of a school cafitaria filled with pre-teens talking all at once. My mind was a cluster mess and I didn't know how to quiet it. Even with out it being so loud in there. There was a lot on my mind with out my crazy factoring in. I walked out to sit on the porch hoping the fresh air will help clear it. Kennith may not be in her nightmares but he opened up a lot of old wounds. These wounds were bad enough without telling her I've been giving his daughter lessons and he's creeping me out, so I haven't even mentioned it. I did tell Mike and Sasha though; they wanted to throw him out, but being creepy wasn't a reason to send his sweet baby girl when she has made great improvements with our one on one classes. I also informed the asshole that I took the same classes as Santana and I will hate to have to kick his ass in front of his only daughter who didn't know her father is a pig.

I was afraid of him however, especially when he's always coming from the gym. He's even buffer than I remember him being a few months ago. I guess with his new job as a physical trainer he's been working out to the extreme. Just his overall ora scared me. He was too smart to put his hands on me. If he did, I'm sure one of the three men(Sasha, Pat and Mike) I have that are sworn to watching out for me by Santana, will probably have him arrested after kicking his ass for me. I tried not to show that I was intimidated by his size or the fact that he tried to rape my wife. I mostly tried not to rip his throat out. Santana's paranoid nature is rubbing off on me because when I first realized who he was, I watched his body language to see if there was anything to worry about when it came to the kids at the studio. It was normal, even fatherly to Natalie's dance friends as well. He wasn't a pedophile, Anyone under 16 was probably five minutes he asks me questions about what his daughter needed to work on, however, was suddlely threatening and we both knew it. If he wasn't in a dance studio filled with little kids, he'd be more of a danger.

I don't know how long I was sitting outside. Santana came out in her robe and sat down next to me. "Noisy night?" She asked sympaticly pointing to her head. I smile at her as she sits down.

"Do you remember what you made me promise a long time ago."

"That you wouldn't try to jump off a building again."

"Not that, You told me to tell you if I had any problems at work."

"Oh...who is it."

"He's not directly harassing me and his daughter is an angel but he does give me the creeps. I have trouble not attacking him everytime I see him."

"Britt who is it."

"I've already told Sasha and Mike to keep an eye on him and I didn't want to worry you. It's Kennith San." She was quiet for a long time before holding my hand.

"Has he touched you at all."

"No he hasn't done anything wrong with me or anyone else. He just gives me the creeps."

"Thanks for telling me Britt. You want to come back to bed?" I was surprised at how well she was taking it after a particularly bad night.

"Your not mad?"

"No, I'm not happy you have to see him but as long as he's not harassing you outside the studio or putting his hands on you, there's not much you or I can do."

"I love you so much. I am so proud of you." I say hugging her and pecking her cheek. Together we walked back in the house. We may be slightly crazy but we have come a long way since we met.

xxxxxx

AN: This is the end for now. I don't know how much further I can take this and I'm dry on ideas. Thank you for reading and please review.


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